What are people's experiences of anxiety?

Hello,

I will pre-face this by saying I am a late diagnosed high masking woman, I was diagnosed two months ago and I'm in my thirties. 

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember, I feel as though I came out of the womb anxious. When I first diagnosed with anxiety it presented as panic attacks when I started university at 18 but I think over the course of various stints in therapy and 10+ years on different anti-depressants it has morphed into more of a generalized anxiety where I feel one edge and worried a lot of the time. 

Work has always been a huge drain on my mental health, regardless of the job, the environment, the shifts, the workloads, all of my jobs have wound up with me feeling fragile and burnt out. I have had attendance issues in every job I've had. 

What I'm trying to understand now is what it anxiety and what is autistic overwhelm. I will feel overwhelmed if I have multiple things to do, even on days off from work. I'm trying to pin it down and really try to understand what are these feelings and where to they come from.

For example, I'm going to a comic con with my friend at the weekend, I've been planning and looking forward to it for ages but now it's close I'm feeling dread, I suppose because it will be busy and hot, there will be a lot of people I don't know and I won't be able to retreat somewhere safe...is this anxiety or autism? 

I do definitely think I have some alexithymia as I struggle tor recognize my emotions and will often just default to anxiety.  

I would love to hear your experiences.

Parents
  • I can distinguish overwhelm from anxiety, because when overwhelmed- I cry. When anxious,  I feel heavy and crumbs in my stomach. Usually I feel overwhelmed by too many people,  too much noise and too much information.  By too many changes too. I bottle it up. For years I used to hide in a bathroom and cry, I myself didn't know why and I used to punch my own face in front of a mirror, because I thought I was stupid and I was angry with myself for crying, when others don't. I don't have autism diagnosis. I had dx of tourette and depression. My therapist was shocked, couldn't believe that someone diagnosed me with Tourette. I was also forced on meds with awful side effects. Later on I was examined by a team of neurologists and they said it was not Tourette,  but didn't give any answer, what instead. 

    I had panic attacks, I think they were related to too much chaos,  too many tasks I had to do at once and noise. Noise is a very significant factor here. I used to work in McDonald's,  that was a hell aand had the panic attacks very often. I was taken to psych hospital, after half hour conversation I was told I have depression, given meds and that's it. They never helped. I might have alexithymia too, it takes me long time of analysing to finally understand and identify my feelings.

Reply
  • I can distinguish overwhelm from anxiety, because when overwhelmed- I cry. When anxious,  I feel heavy and crumbs in my stomach. Usually I feel overwhelmed by too many people,  too much noise and too much information.  By too many changes too. I bottle it up. For years I used to hide in a bathroom and cry, I myself didn't know why and I used to punch my own face in front of a mirror, because I thought I was stupid and I was angry with myself for crying, when others don't. I don't have autism diagnosis. I had dx of tourette and depression. My therapist was shocked, couldn't believe that someone diagnosed me with Tourette. I was also forced on meds with awful side effects. Later on I was examined by a team of neurologists and they said it was not Tourette,  but didn't give any answer, what instead. 

    I had panic attacks, I think they were related to too much chaos,  too many tasks I had to do at once and noise. Noise is a very significant factor here. I used to work in McDonald's,  that was a hell aand had the panic attacks very often. I was taken to psych hospital, after half hour conversation I was told I have depression, given meds and that's it. They never helped. I might have alexithymia too, it takes me long time of analysing to finally understand and identify my feelings.

Children