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What are people's experiences of anxiety?

illustrated.lady

Hello,

I will pre-face this by saying I am a late diagnosed high masking woman, I was diagnosed two months ago and I'm in my thirties. 

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember, I feel as though I came out of the womb anxious. When I first diagnosed with anxiety it presented as panic attacks when I started university at 18 but I think over the course of various stints in therapy and 10+ years on different anti-depressants it has morphed into more of a generalized anxiety where I feel one edge and worried a lot of the time. 

Work has always been a huge drain on my mental health, regardless of the job, the environment, the shifts, the workloads, all of my jobs have wound up with me feeling fragile and burnt out. I have had attendance issues in every job I've had. 

What I'm trying to understand now is what it anxiety and what is autistic overwhelm. I will feel overwhelmed if I have multiple things to do, even on days off from work. I'm trying to pin it down and really try to understand what are these feelings and where to they come from.

For example, I'm going to a comic con with my friend at the weekend, I've been planning and looking forward to it for ages but now it's close I'm feeling dread, I suppose because it will be busy and hot, there will be a lot of people I don't know and I won't be able to retreat somewhere safe...is this anxiety or autism? 

I do definitely think I have some alexithymia as I struggle tor recognize my emotions and will often just default to anxiety.  

I would love to hear your experiences.

Parents

  • Hi, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 18 and eventually with ASD at the age of 53.

    An expression I used to describe how I feel is " I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop", it just feels like that straw that breaks the camels back is out there somewhere.

    My alexithymia certainly doesn't help, I can't remember when I was last happy (if I ever was) or even looked forward to something. I don't know if that's my depression or whether my brain just doesn't compute positive feelings.

    I went to see a band recently in a large venue, the closer it got the more apprehensive I became. When we were seated and the auditorium was filling up I began to feel very agitated, at one point my heart rate was over 120. Ultimately the music was good and my wife and son enjoyed themselves.

    I struggle with crowds and that general buzz of activity and chatter. I always thought it was because I was an introvert but it turned out to be more than that. I think I'm stuck in flight or fight mode.

    Meds don't seem to be helpful to me but i having found exploring my struggles with a psychologist has been enlightening.

    I'm also on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment which hopefully will explain a little more of why I'm the person I am.

  • in reply to Hergé

    Yeah if you have ADHD on top of ASD and anxiety, that’s going to make big events like going to see bands a harrowing experience. That’s a lot of sensory overload to get through. If you do get diagnosed with ADHD, though, your doctor might be able to find a medical regime that suits both ADHD/anxiety better!

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  • in reply to Hergé

    Yeah if you have ADHD on top of ASD and anxiety, that’s going to make big events like going to see bands a harrowing experience. That’s a lot of sensory overload to get through. If you do get diagnosed with ADHD, though, your doctor might be able to find a medical regime that suits both ADHD/anxiety better!

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