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I think I’ve done something stupid.

Roy

As many of you know, I received my diagnosis last week. My journey began nearly 4 years ago, I was listening to Radio 2 and two autistic adults were being interviewed about how autism affects their daily lives.

Their stories totally shocked me, they were recounting my life, it started my journey and ‘lit the fuse.’  I was very near ‘checking out‘ at that time, 50+ years of knowing I’m different, but not why had taken its toll. I believe listening to the show that day saved my life. I had already bought the rope. I promised myself that if I was ever finally diagnosed, I would just send an email to thank Jeremy and just let him know how far reaching interviews on things like autism can be, it raises awareness and I believe saved me.

I sent the email and received an automated response, they unfortunately don’t get to read all the emails due to the volume. I thought okay I’ve achieved what i wanted and thought that was the end of it.

Later in the day I received an email from a different email address, it was from Jeremy Vine and his producer, they thanked me for my email and asked if they could share it with their team? My story had apparently really touched them.

They went on to ask how I would feel about being interviewed for the show, I immediately felt sick and think I’ve overshared, I’ve written back and asked if I could leave it for a few months as my diagnosis is new and still sinking in. They have told me to take as much time as I need.

I’m now beating myself up, why have I done such a stupid thing? I then think others helped me, should I raise awareness of autism and maybe help someone else?
My brain is now in a spin, I just don’t know what to do?

  • Roy, I think what you did takes courage, it is moments that change lives, sometimes terrifying out of the blue stuff and sometimes an unexpected connection or kindness that touches us. Too often the positive moments go unacknowledged, forgotten but you spoke from your heart not in an over emotive headlining grabbing way, but thoughtful and considered. I think I can understand your fear of over sharing and not wanting publicity, although a response like yours may touch others too. However, you need to be kind to yourself and not open yourself up more than you feel happy with. If you feel uncomfortable being interviewed, maybe a written statement would be enough ? You are clearly thoughtful and as far from stupid as it gets.

  • You did a good thing. They helped you and you said thank you.

    You don't need to go on air, you weren't looking for it, some people don't like it and they are happy not to pressure you.

    This is the sort of story that shows people's struggles are real. It counteracts the idea that people are jumping on a bandwagon or that it is trendy.

    There are other people who may be in the same position. Just your story may help them to seek help. You don't need to speak, they can read it out.

  • Wow, Roy - what a nice thing you did, and how lovely to have had that response. I'm sure they'll understand if you ultimately don't feel up to being on the air, especially in light of being no doubt sensitive to the very challenges your autism diagnosis - Congrats on getting that!- confirms. The appreciation you've expressed has no doubt put an extra spring in their step at the very least, and - with the time they've suggested you take- you can weight up the pos and cons of a yes or no to their request. While I know I'd myself be bad at suppressing my fight or flight feelings over 'I might end up on the radio, yikes!', I'd also suggest that the breathing space you now have lets you make the best decision for you. Maybe there's a third way? Like giving permission for your letter to be read aloud next time the subject is on the show? And that itself could help someone, if JV gives that the context of you having helped to the best of your ability and coping reeserves, not according to some neaurotypical standard of 'should' :-)

  • What about it do you think is stupid Roy? 

    I think it's brilliant.