Hi all, not sure where to start but I'm here and I feel it's a start for answers to how difficult my life has been and is more so as I get older.
I am 52 and always knew I was 'different' to my peers. I was always a loner, playing happily on my own and now I can't think of anything better than being on my own.
I've had 2 sons, by 2 different short lived relationships. I have not lived with anyone for 22 years and been single for 9 years. I have no interest in trying again because I struggle to maintain a relationship. I also struggle to maintain friendships, I have made friends over the years but keeping them has been very difficult and I would rather do without.
I have suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life and today I broke down after a difficult year of trying to hold it together. I saw my GP and said I feel like I'm losing my mind and I cannot focus at work, I'm crying and struggling to cope with life in many ways.
I often feel like people are talking about me, so instead of being in social settings I would much prefer to be in my own company where I feel safe and happy.
I don't drive as the thought of driving a car among other cars scares me to death. I don't use buses as I cannot tolerate strangers sitting next to me so I will walk, even if I need to walk for miles, I refuse to put myself on a bus with strangers and smells I cannot tolerate.
I spoke with my GP approximately 3 months ago and I asked him to refer me for suspected Autism, he agreed and I have an initial meeting on the 2nd July. This is to see if I'm worthy of an assessment. I so scared they will fob me off but I know in my heart of hearts I am on the spectrum. My youngest son aged 24 has Aspergers and my late father was classic Autistic without a diagnosis and he didn't speak until he was 8. My granddaughter aged 5 is non-verval Autistic and now attends a special school.
It runs in my immediate family and I know it stems down from my father, God rest his soul.
Any help and support would be greatly appreciated... thanks in advance
Mimi
