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Diagnosis journey lady over 50

MimiLexis

Hi all, not sure where to start but I'm here and I feel it's a start for answers to how difficult my life has been and is more so as I get older.

I am 52 and always knew I was 'different' to my peers. I was always a loner, playing happily on my own and now I can't think of anything better than being on my own.

I've had 2 sons, by 2 different short lived relationships. I have not lived with anyone for 22 years and been single for 9 years. I have no interest in trying again because I struggle to maintain a relationship. I also struggle to maintain friendships, I have made friends over the years but keeping them has been very difficult and I would rather do without.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life and today I broke down after a difficult year of trying to hold it together. I saw my GP and said I feel like I'm losing my mind and I cannot focus at work, I'm crying and struggling to cope with life in many ways.

I often feel like people are talking about me, so instead of being in social settings I would much prefer to be in my own company where I feel safe and happy.

I don't drive as the thought of driving a car among other cars scares me to death. I don't use buses as I cannot tolerate strangers sitting next to me so I will walk, even if I need to walk for miles, I refuse to put myself on a bus with strangers and smells I cannot tolerate.

I spoke with my GP approximately 3 months ago and I asked him to refer me for suspected Autism, he agreed and I have an initial meeting on the 2nd July. This is to see if I'm worthy of an assessment. I so scared they will fob me off but I know in my heart of hearts I am on the spectrum. My youngest son aged 24 has Aspergers and my late father was classic Autistic without a diagnosis and he didn't speak until he was 8. My granddaughter aged 5 is non-verval Autistic and now attends a special school. 

It runs in my immediate family and I know it stems down from my father, God rest his soul.

Any help and support would be greatly appreciated... thanks in advance

Mimi

Parents

  • Hello.

    First thing, well done for being brave and looking for help, rather than pretending it is ok and burying it again.I know how hard it is to ask for help, you don't think you are bad enough or are somehow not worthy. After all, if you made it this far you can't be that bad, but it is not true. I waited till 56.

    Second, you are not losing your mind. Confusion is normal. I could not see it in myself for 30 years. If you are good at masking at work then others may not have seen it either. Don't worry.

    Being fobbed of is more likely at the GP stage. You have made it past that and will talk to someone knowledgeable. You may try to put up a shield and try to downplay your issues with them to not lose face or because it seems normal to put your needs second. They should be able to see that. If you can, just try to be as open as possible and say what you really want to, not what you think you should.

    The next 3 weeks are going to go slowly, but try to hang in there. 

    You're going to worry, and think about it a lot, but try not to worry too much. You're also going to try to plan for it, maybe start writing things down. If this is helpful and reduces worry, and helps you to order your thoughts, go ahead. Try to keep it under control.

    If you have trauma, try not to revisit that and your response to it, when you are trying to get your thoughts and evidence together. I did that and it caused me some distress.

    Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. You are not broken, you are not wrong, you are you and it is ok to struggle. If you had a friend in your position what would you say - say the same thins to yourself.

    Give yourself some space. If your emotions are out of control you need to ease up. I had the ame thing in Jan which started my 6 month journey. I couldn't ask the GP, for various reasons I have problems, so did it all privately.

    If you can, ease off work. Mine have been supportive, but my HR is quite good and they can't easily replace me. I am still working but some of the pressure has reduced. Also stop putting so much pressure on yourself. I acted like everything depended on me, which it sort of does, but I am not a machine. Even machines get serviced and repaired sometimes.

    If you are close to burnout, you need to reduce stress. You may be stuck in looping negative thoughts. Try to think of something positive or something that makes you happy or pleased, and have a treat today.

    Start to look fotr some changes, accommodations, you can make your life better.

    People are going to listen to you, you are not alone.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Hi Stuart, thank-you for your detailed response... I really appreciate your understanding and support. 

    You are right and yes I got past the GP stage of this journey, I pray things go well at the pre-assessment check. Being taken seriously now I am struggling more than ever in my life is so important to me. I want to cope with life, I'm not coping and I'm scared where I could end up without the right support or understanding.

    I am isolating myself due to not coping, my GP signed me off work yesterday, I broke down like a little child in his surgery and he could see I'm not well to work. I've only been in this job for 2 months and I've had many many jobs in my life, all of which I never progress in and struggle to maintain. I look at other people who have it together, keep jobs for years and my CV shows the opposite. How do people do it, what is wrong with me that I can't do adulting at my age.

    I'm so pleased to have found this support forum, I know I will not feel out of place here and just reading some of the posts I can totally relate.

    Thank you again 

    Mimi

Reply
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Hi Stuart, thank-you for your detailed response... I really appreciate your understanding and support. 

    You are right and yes I got past the GP stage of this journey, I pray things go well at the pre-assessment check. Being taken seriously now I am struggling more than ever in my life is so important to me. I want to cope with life, I'm not coping and I'm scared where I could end up without the right support or understanding.

    I am isolating myself due to not coping, my GP signed me off work yesterday, I broke down like a little child in his surgery and he could see I'm not well to work. I've only been in this job for 2 months and I've had many many jobs in my life, all of which I never progress in and struggle to maintain. I look at other people who have it together, keep jobs for years and my CV shows the opposite. How do people do it, what is wrong with me that I can't do adulting at my age.

    I'm so pleased to have found this support forum, I know I will not feel out of place here and just reading some of the posts I can totally relate.

    Thank you again 

    Mimi

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Hi Stuart

    Thank you for your wise and encouraging words, I know you are right with what you are saying... one day at a time eh.

    I am going to be kind to myself, and do what is best for me and my mental health. I've pushed it to the back for so long and it's time I am kind to me and my needs.

    Thank you for your support and words of encouragement.

    Mimi 

  • in reply to MimiLexis

    Don't be too hard on yourself.

    A new job is always stressful as it takes time to learn all the new stuff. If you push yourself too hard, especially if you were already overloaded, you end up disregulated.

    I have broken down like that once in front of my ex- partner. It is very hard, I didn't understand it and sought no help which was a mistake, so I sympathise. It will pass and you will get better.

    I also have isolated. Don't worry it is what you need at the moment. Try to rest, make sure you stay hydrated, remember to eat and do something you like. Could be sitting in the garden, reading, watching your favourite stuff on YouTube, etc. Don't feel guilty for spending some time on yourself, it is what you need now.

    Try not to dwell on the worst that can happen, but imagine the best that can happen. Reality will be somewhere in the middle.

    Try to be calm if you can.

    Don't blame yourself. You have done the best you could and probably better that others in your position would have done. If you made mistakes, don't beat yourself up, everyone does, it is normal. Other people just hide don't worry and  forget about them

    Other people may not be managing as well as you think. Adulting is not that easy for anyone, you just don't see their issues, just like they are not seeing yours. People stay in jobs as it is safer and easier than changing as they know what to expect and know the people.  You just have to make it through the first 6 months the it gets easie.