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Worried about not being able to buy a house

Verity

I don’t understand how people with disabilities who are on benefits can survive in the world without support from family. I’m on benefits because of my autism and my mental health and I hate it. I’ve tried working, in the past, and it went horribly. I got burnt out and it affected my mental health and I was sectioned because of it.

That was 2021 and I haven’t worked since then. I’m lucky to be on PIP and I have my parents, though they are both in poor health and that’s a worry.

Ideally, like my brothers I would love to own my own house. It’s just me but I hate not having a place that I’ll always be safe in and have security. But there’s no way with my current situation I would ever be able to afford a place. Where I live with my parents we rent the house and I’m painfully aware as in when it’s just me I’ll have nowhere to go.

That’s a truly terrifying thought for me and when I was in hospital I thought about it a lot. Me, on my own and no security for the future.

One idea I have had is there’s this really old farmhouse on the land where we rent our current house. It’s old, like from the 50s/60s I think but it’s in a bad state of disrepair. The whole farm is in neglect and needs doing up. The landowner who we know and get on well with has no interest in the house, he’s just waiting for it to fall down.
I know it needs work, but I’ve looked it up online and know I can learn to do the majority of the work.

I have thought about writing to him and asking if he would be interested in selling it to me. But I don’t want to be too forward or to sound too pushy. I also worry in case he says no. At the moment I have some hope that he’ll say yes but if he doesn’t then I lose hope and literally have no clue what I’ll do in the future.

It’s such a worry for me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Parents

  • Hi Verity, I’m so sorry that this is giving you so much worry at the moment, and I can totally understand why. The housing situation in the uk is a complete mess - and you’re definitely far from alone in having these sorts of worries. Many more people now are renting instead of being able to buy a house - and in many ways the system is broken.

    i don’t know how old you are - or how old your parents are - and whether you’re looking very far ahead with your worries about the future? Or if you are thinking this is something you’re going to have to face in the next five years or so?

    if you are looking very far ahead then I’d suggest that there’s not a lot of advantage to giving this a huge amount of thought and worry at the present time. At some point a government is going to have to address the broken rental housing system to make it function more effectively. So things could change in terms of your ability to rent a home in the more distant future. So no need to panic about this now in those circumstances. 

    In terms of the ruined building on the farm - it sounds like a fascinating idea. However in reality renovating a ruined house is likely to cost a lot more money than you might think. And if it has potential for that (in the unlikely event of it getting planning permission - the farmer would likely want to be maximising the profit from that for his own farming business.

    However - if your family’s relationship with the farmer is very good maybe he would consider continuing to rent it to you when your parents aren’t around anymore? You could possibly share the rent with a lodger or friend if the rent is too high for one person? You could get housing benefit presumably? 

    whatever the case though - worrying about this too much now will achieve nothing - it will only make you feel ill and not help on any level. Try to focus on the present moment as much as you can - rather than getting caught up in worries about what will happen in 3, or 5, or ten years time. Be kind to yourself and allow your mind a holiday from worrying about things that are currently not in your control. If you like living where you live now and enjoy living with your parents don’t ruin what you have now by being completely weighed down by your worries over the future. I’ve done this so much myself over the years (worrying myself sick about what might happen in you future and spoiling my enjoyment of what I actually have now. It’s a mistake!

    Things might just work out fine - there’s every possibility that they might. And even if there are problems ahead worrying about them now is frankly a waste of energy. Try to live in the present moment and practice mindfulness as much as you can. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    *i mean the farmer continuing to rent your current house to you - not the ruined building*

Reply Children
  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    You can ask and you'd be in no worse a position than you are now. I agree with Iain about how difficult ot could be and as he said a lot of things do need to be done to a certain standard and it could be really really expensive. But you could I presume continue to live with your parents whilst you do it up, so you wouldn't have the time pressure of having to have it finished by a certain time.

    If the farmer is willing to sell it to you, then it would be worth looking at getting permission to pull the existing building down and doing a total rebuild. This could actually be cheaper than rebuilding the existing structure. You could look at the sort of prefab and kit houses that so many companies do now, like the German Huf houses.