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Who else was bullied in high school?

illustrated.lady

I want to add a content warning here for bullying.

Hello!

I'm fairly newly diagnosed woman at the grand age of 32. When I was diagnosed the psychiatrist said that years ago I wouldn't have been diagnosed with our understanding of the autistic spectrum has changed over time. 

I keep thinking back to my time in school, I went to a girls school, it had a bad reputation locally and it was awful.

I have always had dreams about being back in school but they have become almost nightly since my diagnosis.

Academically, I did well in school, I thoroughly enjoyed some subjects - English, RE, Health and Social Care, Graphics. Socially, not so much although by the final two years I had settled into a friendship group with fellow nerdy kids. 

I always felt like an outcast, other girls made fun of me for every little thing, my frizzy hair, my body, my 'posh' ways of speaking, my geekiness, my online presence (these were the early days of social media), my interests.

I tried so desperately to fit in, I would listen to music I didn't like feign interest in things I didn't like and changed my ways of speaking. I couldn't recognize when people were being mean to me - that fake nice thing that girls would do that I still would not be able to recognize today!

I feel like I'm grieving for what could have been, my experience of school could have been so different in my autism was recognised and catered for. In Year 9, so at 13/14 years old I went through an awful stage of anxiety and school avoidance, I just didn't want to be there, I was just so overwhelmed and sitting in a class felt like punishment. 

It was actually only during therapy a few years ago in my late twenties that I had the sudden realization that I was bullied, that my experience wasn't typical. It wasn't normal for people to steal your belongings, to be pinched, to have your skirt pulled up, to be threatened, to have everything you do analyzed and criticized. 

My understanding now is that my experience is very common amongst autistic people. I am on the waiting list for therapy with the NHS as this is something I really need to be able to move on from.

Parents

  • I was bullied from the start of school to the end. I looked different and thanks to speech difficulty I also sounded different, and I was slower in class–Made me a prime target for any bully and the other children never tired of bullying me. I told the teachers numerous times but they either didn’t believe me or more likely they couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it.

    The sad thing is I enjoyed learning and still do but the school environment was horrible. Definitely one of the worst times of my life, one I would never repeat.

  • in reply to clownfish

    I wonder if there's any of us who weren't bullied?

    I remember adults telling me that school days were the best days of your life! I thought if that were true then I wasnt' sure how much life I wanted if it was going to get worse.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Same I never understood how the school years could be the best. 

  • in reply to Neuroqueer

    I believe its getting only worse. In my times there were no social media and still kids could be very aggressive.  Now it's much worse. Narcissism and violence, that is being published in the social media. So many young people unalived themselves because of that. Sad. I'm happy I'm out of school already but sad that my family still does not acknowledge how i struggled and still have Trauma. In my case it was not only lack of cool clothes and gadgets.  I was different,  my behaviour was different,  there was the clumsiness,  stimming, inability to understand jokes, irony etc. I had some thoughts,  that I am kinda a bit disabled,  but nobody saw that.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It is if you're privileged and one of the 'chosen ones', ie the cool crowd. The ones who all dress the same and all have the same bag, are good at sports etc, and if you don't have the right bag, coat, shoes, Stanley cup, etc then you're cast out and actively victimised and attacked.

    This is still happening. I have little faith it will ever change as long as social media trends and influencers are a thing.

Reply
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It is if you're privileged and one of the 'chosen ones', ie the cool crowd. The ones who all dress the same and all have the same bag, are good at sports etc, and if you don't have the right bag, coat, shoes, Stanley cup, etc then you're cast out and actively victimised and attacked.

    This is still happening. I have little faith it will ever change as long as social media trends and influencers are a thing.

Children
  • in reply to Neuroqueer

    I believe its getting only worse. In my times there were no social media and still kids could be very aggressive.  Now it's much worse. Narcissism and violence, that is being published in the social media. So many young people unalived themselves because of that. Sad. I'm happy I'm out of school already but sad that my family still does not acknowledge how i struggled and still have Trauma. In my case it was not only lack of cool clothes and gadgets.  I was different,  my behaviour was different,  there was the clumsiness,  stimming, inability to understand jokes, irony etc. I had some thoughts,  that I am kinda a bit disabled,  but nobody saw that.