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Who else was bullied in high school?

illustrated.lady

I want to add a content warning here for bullying.

Hello!

I'm fairly newly diagnosed woman at the grand age of 32. When I was diagnosed the psychiatrist said that years ago I wouldn't have been diagnosed with our understanding of the autistic spectrum has changed over time. 

I keep thinking back to my time in school, I went to a girls school, it had a bad reputation locally and it was awful.

I have always had dreams about being back in school but they have become almost nightly since my diagnosis.

Academically, I did well in school, I thoroughly enjoyed some subjects - English, RE, Health and Social Care, Graphics. Socially, not so much although by the final two years I had settled into a friendship group with fellow nerdy kids. 

I always felt like an outcast, other girls made fun of me for every little thing, my frizzy hair, my body, my 'posh' ways of speaking, my geekiness, my online presence (these were the early days of social media), my interests.

I tried so desperately to fit in, I would listen to music I didn't like feign interest in things I didn't like and changed my ways of speaking. I couldn't recognize when people were being mean to me - that fake nice thing that girls would do that I still would not be able to recognize today!

I feel like I'm grieving for what could have been, my experience of school could have been so different in my autism was recognised and catered for. In Year 9, so at 13/14 years old I went through an awful stage of anxiety and school avoidance, I just didn't want to be there, I was just so overwhelmed and sitting in a class felt like punishment. 

It was actually only during therapy a few years ago in my late twenties that I had the sudden realization that I was bullied, that my experience wasn't typical. It wasn't normal for people to steal your belongings, to be pinched, to have your skirt pulled up, to be threatened, to have everything you do analyzed and criticized. 

My understanding now is that my experience is very common amongst autistic people. I am on the waiting list for therapy with the NHS as this is something I really need to be able to move on from.

Parents

  • Like most people on here (unfortunately) I too got bullied. It started during elementary school (there were a few incidents before that but I tended to not recognise bullying immediately so that was fine). There were mean comments about my crying (I had meltdowns even though nobody recognised them as such) and awkwardness, comments about everything and even some teachers that didn‘t have anything better to do than to make fun of how I just couldn‘t cope sometimes. There was an incident at my after-school-facility when two boys were bothering me constantly. I told on them (well… extreme sense of justice I guess) but nobody interfered. It got worse and worse up to the point of physical bullying. It ended when the situation escalated after I hit a wooden plank with the back of my head (I was okay, but out for a few seconds… Not worse enough for the people responsible to actually get me to a doctor). They never informed my parents (probably embarrassed) and turns out, I never told my parents either. Not because I felt shame or fear but because I wasn‘t mentally effected by that. They never had a reason to bully me because they didn‘t even know about my constant meltdowns or anything. They were just being idiots and somehow I felt bad for them being stupid instead of sympathy for myself.

    "Highschool“ (or for me a German "Gymnasium“ I‘m currently graduating from) was mostly psychological bullying. It started when I had the first meltdowns in school triggered mainly by the big transition. I excelled academically just like before, but I struggled to keep up socially and mentally. People started spreading rumours and excluding me. It was worse than ever before because know I felt like I deserved it. For being weird, different, a crybaby… just for being myself essentially. The teachers didn‘t know what to do and of course nobody considered autism because… well, I‘m a girl, I speak (technically I didn‘t speak most of the time during band practice and first aid club until about 10th grade but hey…), I do well in school and extracurricular activities… (just a disclaimer: I‘m still not diagnosed so I might as well not be autistic, but people should‘ve at least considered it before considering sending me to another school despite excellent marks. Fortunately that didn‘t happen.)

    With time I learned to care less, figuring I couldn‘t do anything about it. I still cried from time to time when people discussed birthday parties in front of me while I was the only one who didn‘t get invited or I came to know that someone talked *** about me, but I learned to manage that. 
    I‘d love to say, it made me stronger, but that’d be a lie. Bullying is awful and does not have a positive spin to it.

    Too much info? Sorry…Sweat smile It‘s something I was thinking about a lot recently.

Reply

  • Like most people on here (unfortunately) I too got bullied. It started during elementary school (there were a few incidents before that but I tended to not recognise bullying immediately so that was fine). There were mean comments about my crying (I had meltdowns even though nobody recognised them as such) and awkwardness, comments about everything and even some teachers that didn‘t have anything better to do than to make fun of how I just couldn‘t cope sometimes. There was an incident at my after-school-facility when two boys were bothering me constantly. I told on them (well… extreme sense of justice I guess) but nobody interfered. It got worse and worse up to the point of physical bullying. It ended when the situation escalated after I hit a wooden plank with the back of my head (I was okay, but out for a few seconds… Not worse enough for the people responsible to actually get me to a doctor). They never informed my parents (probably embarrassed) and turns out, I never told my parents either. Not because I felt shame or fear but because I wasn‘t mentally effected by that. They never had a reason to bully me because they didn‘t even know about my constant meltdowns or anything. They were just being idiots and somehow I felt bad for them being stupid instead of sympathy for myself.

    "Highschool“ (or for me a German "Gymnasium“ I‘m currently graduating from) was mostly psychological bullying. It started when I had the first meltdowns in school triggered mainly by the big transition. I excelled academically just like before, but I struggled to keep up socially and mentally. People started spreading rumours and excluding me. It was worse than ever before because know I felt like I deserved it. For being weird, different, a crybaby… just for being myself essentially. The teachers didn‘t know what to do and of course nobody considered autism because… well, I‘m a girl, I speak (technically I didn‘t speak most of the time during band practice and first aid club until about 10th grade but hey…), I do well in school and extracurricular activities… (just a disclaimer: I‘m still not diagnosed so I might as well not be autistic, but people should‘ve at least considered it before considering sending me to another school despite excellent marks. Fortunately that didn‘t happen.)

    With time I learned to care less, figuring I couldn‘t do anything about it. I still cried from time to time when people discussed birthday parties in front of me while I was the only one who didn‘t get invited or I came to know that someone talked *** about me, but I learned to manage that. 
    I‘d love to say, it made me stronger, but that’d be a lie. Bullying is awful and does not have a positive spin to it.

    Too much info? Sorry…Sweat smile It‘s something I was thinking about a lot recently.

Children
  • in reply to Emmalephant

    Don't apologize, not too much info at all!

    It seems that the experience is across many countries. Honestly, my heart goes out to you, it has been 16 years since I left high school and I still think of it often. Let me tell you though, things will get better, there are so many other people out there like you and the older you get the more you lean into the things that make you different. 

  • in reply to Emmalephant

    Are you living in Germany? Are you German? Sorry for the question. I’m living in Germany six years already. 
    I’m in my late thirties, but I remember very long time, as adult too, I cried in situations when it was too much going on. For example at work if it’s too much changing, new colleagues, new procedures, office rearranged etc. I had this problem even recently. I hide in the toilet and cry there to not let anyone see me like this. I always thought I’m stupid, crying for no reason, inferior to others, who are simply doing well and all this does not affect them. Only since the suspicion of me being autistic and comparing my symptoms and problems to the ICD11 criteria it suddenly start making sense. I’m not diagnosed either and I’m not sure if it ever happens.