I’m a woman in my mid 40s, recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD. While the diagnosis gave some clarity, it hasn’t helped me much directly. What it has done is change how people respond to me - and not in a good way.
It doesn’t undo the years of being misread, sidelined, or criticised for being direct, logical, or unwilling to play along with incompetence. What I’ve found is that when people know I’m autistic, their behaviour shifts - not their words, their attitudes.
I’ll question something illogical, challenge bad decisions, or assert my rights, and instead of engaging with what I’m saying, they shift into a quiet, patronising mode. Like I’m a difficult child acting out. They don’t say, “It’s her autism,” but you can see it in how they humour rather than respect me. My reasoning gets reduced to “a processing issue,” and their egos stay protected.
When I don’t disclose, the dismissal still happens, but then it’s because I’m a woman. “She’s difficult,” “She thinks she knows better.” Same invalidation, different excuse. The label just gives them a new way to deflect accountability while appearing “understanding.”
It’s worst with people in authority, doctors, solicitors, employers, teachers. They’re far more comfortable pathologising me than considering I might be right.
So no, the label doesn’t empower me. It gives others a shortcut to dismiss my intelligence and keep their egos intact. That’s not support....it’s control in disguise.
If you’ve experienced this, especially after a late diagnosis, I’d like to know how you deal with it. Because right now, this version of “inclusion” feels like another form of erasure.
