I'm a former user, that's all I'll say about that. I decided to come back and start fresh. Allow me to introduce myself again.
I'm a guy in my mid 30s. I got a private diagnosis for Asperger's a few years ago after a botched one in my teen years.
My hobbies are models, Lego, reading, programming with python programming language, photography, walks in woods or on the beach and digital art.
I include gaming as I thought I should quit it to appear more mature and normal, but I reinstated it as a means of emotional processing.
Truthfully, I am unable to accept being autistic even after 35 years, I mask a lot of my personal issues, I always feel detached and without connection, my age and narrow skills and interests don't help. I feel like a terrible burden on my family and have had some fierce rows brought on by mutual stresses and resentments boiling over. I found it's best to hold my tongue to avoid anger and upset with pretty much everyone.
I hate being on benefits and I wish I could find paying work to get off it for good, though it seems many jobs prefer certain demographics, and use jargon and requirements to gatekeep.
Socially I can function in most situations, but lack the ability to form connections and friendships, even those neurodiverse. I see myself as a Linux in a world of Mac and Windows (computer metaphor).
I have never had any relationships of my own, but I question my own sexuality, at first I felt asexual, but now I feel more fluid, waiting for the right person able to accept me warts and all, but that seems less likely than winning the lottery.
Now with a diabetes 2 diagnosis I feel even more disaffected and empty.
Since I have been let down by counselling before I am trying to work through CBT myself via a book.
Now as I come to the midpoint of my life I genuinely fear for my future, my place in the world now and in the future and losing out on everything everyone takes for granted.
