Struggles With Building A Support Network

Here is NHS England's page on social prescribing so you can see what it might include: https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/ 

I agree with profdanger.  It sounds like you need to have some activity based stuff (that's how I do all my socialising). 

If you're looking for support to find activities you can do in parallel, including if you'd want support in joining them or going along to the first few, I recommend looking into social prescribing.

Depending on your area they might be accessed through your GP or you can self refer. They are set up to help you find activities and advice that work for you, and many of them will even go to some sessions with you to help you get into it or talk to organisers to ensure they're accessible for you (in your case this may include no demand to talk)

I was referred to social prescribing a few years ago and I found them very helpful. They don't require any kind of diagnosis, it's about making sure you have the support you need to have a fulfilling life. 

I found waiting outside the school gates for my children really tortuous - trying to make small talk with the other mums was such a strain. I always felt that I just didn’t fit in and it was excruciating. 

Yeah it’s a bummer I live in the States, I can’t recommend actual groups. But depending on what your interests are you could possibly check out a local shop of that kind (ex. if you like pottery go to a pottery studio or if you like knitting go to a yarn shop) and see if they have groups.

I recently took one of my clients to a game shop to see if they have employment and he found out that they have a Pokémon card game group, so he might engage with his community through that.

1.  profdanger  That would be good but I don't know where to find anything like that. 

Hey y’all!

So you’re all looking for support, but not necessarily people you feel like you need to socialize with? That’s tough. The best I can think of is something that involves doing activities in parallel, like knitting or painting, where you’re not directly interacting with each other but can still somewhat socialize and enjoy each others’ presence.

I find that some of my favorite moments with friends has been playing video games in parallel, where we might not even be playing the same games but still hang out around each other.

 Kate Kestrel   I'm the same. Any form of socialising makes me burn up, I can't string a sentence together, so I just look like a fool whose brain has fallen out somewhere. It is so embarrassing.  I don't know how to move forward really. 

 Alien0n3arth  School wasn't a great place for me either. I was bullied to the point where I couldn't go anymore, and had to be home tutored for a while. Then the school re-introduced me back into classes like it was my fault. I had no friends in my year group but a lot from different year groups. And I felt more comfortable around teachers than I did my peers. My mum was forever chasing men instead of investing in me and my dad didn't want to know. I get attached far too easily to people too. I was forever getting attached to female teachers because of the lack of relationship with my mum. There are no support groups where I live. Most of them are far away. 

It’s similar here. That’s why I would like to join local support group but I don’t think it’s possible. They require official dx. To me school was very hostile place, home often too. The only supportive person I have in my life now is my husband, although he doesn’t understand my issues. Is there any support group in your area? I remember I always wanted to have some friends, but to skip the first phase of friendship. 

I can relate in many ways. I always struggled with friendships and when I met my now husband when we were students we grew close so quickly and I felt quite happy to stop working so hard to maintain friendships with women as it was always such an effort. It was a relief to just be in a little cozy ‘bubble’ with my boyfriend and not worry anymore about trying to get on with friends, or make friends. When myself and my husband had children we were such a happy and close family that again I felt no need for friends. And when my children started school I felt the strain of talking to the other mothers and having to try to engage in social chit chat at the school gates. I just didn’t enjoy it. Now both my children are adults and both are diagnosed as autistic, and I was diagnosed a couple of years ago as well. I’ve still avoided making friends - it always feels like such a strain to attempt to form friendships. I feel very insecure and unsettled by social contact with people. But I’m starting to feel now that it’s helpful to have a small social circle and I wish I’d tried a bit harder in the past to find friends that I have something in common with. Both myself and my husband would like to branch out a bit and socialise a little more - but it’s a bit late in some ways! But we definitely are feeling the lack of more friendly people in our lives, and we plan to try to be a bit more sociable in the future. Not sure how exactly though! 

I’m sorry that you feel you ‘don’t have a future’ - I’m sure that’s not the case! Things can change. Your children are so young and you can change the social aspects of your life I’m sure. Don’t give up on the idea if it’s what you really want.