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Imposter syndrome and Surprised responses

Merida

Since being diagnosed as autistic as an adult ( last week) I am suffering with imposter syndrome. I immediately felt relief after the diagnosis and felt a weight had been lifted, so I wanted to tell everyone. However, many people were surprised and have said things like, ' wow, you can't tell,' and 'you're really good at masking.' This just consolidates my fear that I'm a fraud.  I don't know how to respond to it. I haven't been consciously masking. I've just been surviving in the only way I knew how to. I wasn't prepared for the questions that have followed, 'what are your symptoms?' 'what makes you autistic?' I feel like they're asking me what colour underwear I'm wearing!! 

How do people respond to/ deal with this? I feel I'm suddenly off script and I don't have the answers or an explanation. 

Parents

  • Hello Merida!

    Yes, this is a very, very common response, especially for us high masking adults. Unfortunately, the template is young white boys with high support needs, and folks are only just recently beginning to understand what autism may look like for Level 1 adults.  Most folks you'll find don't even really know what autism looks like, and once you explain it, will look for ways that they are right and you are wrong. This made me, as well as some of my friends with similar experiences, feel the need to 'act more autistic' in ways we never have before. But please remember—YOU ARE AUTISTIC. That's FINE, and you owe them NO explanation as to how you might fit into that label in their mind. Just because they don't understand, doesn't mean that you don't deserve to exist in the exact space you've carved out for yourself. 

    I think of it a bit like any other part of my identity—if someone told me, "you don't look like a runner" or "you don't look like a musician," it doesn't really mean that much, because they don't really know me. People will perceive you as they want to, not as you are. What matters is you understand why this is important to you.

    One of the first reactions I got from a non-family member was, "Oh, well, don't be surprised if one day you find out you're not." On the flip side, one of my close autistic friends said, "no duh, Sherlock, we already knew that."

    So, experience may vary, but we're all here for you. If you get really sick of it, you can incorporate any weird behavior you want, and then blame it on the autism. "Sorry, I can't eat badly cooked food. Sorry, I don't make time for people who text and drive. I have AUTISM."

    love,

    Max

  • in reply to maxlinger60

    I don't get all the levels people talk about, is this something thats not used so much in the UK or was I diagnosed at a time before these were invented?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    It refers to the level of support a person needs to cope in a neurotypical world. Level 1 is the lowest level of support (friends and family who understand you, a boss who is prepared to make reasonable adjustments, that sort of thing). Level 3 is the highest.

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