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Struggling

Hammonds1

I'm struggling today I want to be sociable but can't very much and when I do people say are u OK you are quite which makes me feel worse, I tend to hide away a lot even from family

  • If I had a pound for that remark I would be a rich mani, I agree either way you invariably it makes you feel worse and more self conscious…

  • I hear you — that sounds really tough, and I’m really sorry you're feeling this way. I hope today has been better?

    Wanting to connect but finding it hard is such a painful place to be in, especially when people’s comments — even if well-meaning — make you feel even more self-conscious. It’s completely understandable that you’d want to retreat when it feels like just being yourself isn’t enough or draws unwanted attention.

    You’re not alone in this. So many of us feel that push-pull between wanting connection and needing space to protect ourselves. Hiding away can feel safer when you’re overwhelmed or low — and that doesn’t make you weak or wrong. It just means you’re doing your best to cope right now.

    Please be kind to yourself today. You don’t have to force conversation or pretend to be okay if you’re not. Just existing — quietly or otherwise — is enough. And there are people out here who understand exactly what you're going through and are glad you're here.

    If it would help, I’m happy to just chat gently with no pressure. You don’t have to be “on” to be welcome.

  • Them saying you are quiet is not a criticism. They are giving you the chance to say something.

    If nothing is really wrong, or you just are not sure how to start, then keep it simple, then just say I'm OK, but then say something more that will prompt a response, like what you were thinking about, e.g. It's sunny outside I'd like to be out there, I'm hungry, can I show you this, what are you doing at the moment, what are you doing at the weekend, do you have a holiday planned.

    If you just say I'm OK, they will nod and walk off. If you want to interact you need to prompt them say something back to you.

    You can use the word but, i.e. I'm OK, but .... I  am nervous about x (exam, trip, work), or I'm OK but I am not sure what to say.

    If you want to be brave, you can say what's wrong and what's bothering you, but that may be too hard.

    If you just want company, you'll have to say something like would you mind talking for a moment, could we get a coffee together.

  • It is just a standard thing that many say.   How are you OR  are you ok?   It isn't meant to be taken literally, but unfortunately many with Autism often do. 

    I think you are meant to reply that you are fine, and then ask them if they are fine also.  Pointless ?   I feel so.


    I could signpost you to some links here if you feel overwhelmed or depressed?  Have you had this feeling long - does it happen often?  Perhaps it is worthwhile speaking with your GP. 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences  may also help

    Many of us here have difficulties with integration - wanting to be sociable and be part of something - but not quite knowing how.  I am pleased you've been able to speak about how you feel, which is a start.