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Recently diagnosed - struggling

illustrated.lady

Hello!

I'm new here, I was diagnosed with 'high functioning autism' about 5 weeks ago, I just got my diagnostic report on Sunday.

I'm a 32 year old woman and never felt like I fit in, like I didn't connect with people and being around people drained me, sure, I can mask and say the right things and smile but it's all an act. I've always had issues in jobs and have had attendance issues and sick leave for stress in every job I've had. I've been on anti-depressants for ten years.

The diagnosis makes so much sense and I hope it will eventually allow me to be easier on myself and not so harsh on myself for struggling with things. I do feel like I'm struggling to come to terms with the diagnosis, it's a relief in some ways that there's a reason for my behaviors but it's also like....I don't know how to manage. I don't know how to get out of this cycle of stress and overwhelm and as I'm sure we're all aware, there's no support for autistic adults.

If you've read all of this then I sincerely thank you. I feel quite alone. 

Parents

  • You are not alone. I am 31 years old and currently going through the process of being assessed. I am struggling to find my place in society and constantly drained as well when socialising with people. It’s not something I want to stop as socialising is my chance to be able to be someone different. I do dance and drama so these allow me to be able to create a different character where I can pretend that everything is okay just for an hour or so a day.

    I have recently started on anti-depressants and been on them for around 4 months now. I have found them useful however as with most things they are not going to be the “magic fix”. 

    Can I just ask, now you have your diagnosis, do you feel like anything has changed in terms of understanding yourself better?, getting the right support?, being able to just be yourself without getting grief from other people?. I am aware it is very recent diagnosis but I am just curious if it has made other people look and think of you in a different light? This is something I am struggling with at work at the moment. I feel that some of my colleagues are not understanding who I am and see me as just being irritating all the time.

    Would love to know how you are getting on since the diagnosis

Reply

  • You are not alone. I am 31 years old and currently going through the process of being assessed. I am struggling to find my place in society and constantly drained as well when socialising with people. It’s not something I want to stop as socialising is my chance to be able to be someone different. I do dance and drama so these allow me to be able to create a different character where I can pretend that everything is okay just for an hour or so a day.

    I have recently started on anti-depressants and been on them for around 4 months now. I have found them useful however as with most things they are not going to be the “magic fix”. 

    Can I just ask, now you have your diagnosis, do you feel like anything has changed in terms of understanding yourself better?, getting the right support?, being able to just be yourself without getting grief from other people?. I am aware it is very recent diagnosis but I am just curious if it has made other people look and think of you in a different light? This is something I am struggling with at work at the moment. I feel that some of my colleagues are not understanding who I am and see me as just being irritating all the time.

    Would love to know how you are getting on since the diagnosis

Children
  • in reply to HistoryLover5

    Hi lovely, good luck with your assessment whenever it may be! 

    Anti-depressants are very useful and I honestly cannot imagine my life without them now. 

    I haven't actually told anyone that I'm autistic, only my partner knows and it has definitely helped us in terms of understanding my need for planning and routine and my anxiety when things don't go to plan. He's helping a lot of more with that as oposse to 'playing things by ear'. I don't plan on telling my family as my mum would blame herself and my Dad isn't really accepting or understanding of neurodiversity or mental health.

    I haven't decided yet about telling my colleagues, I work in a close knit admin team in a GP surgery and we deal with a lot of referrals for autism and even more for ADHD and I think there are some negative views within my team and I'll be honest, those negative views have often come from myself. I always saw people's reasons for wanting an autism referral as kind of silly, because 'isn't everyone anxious with change and drained from being around people and thinks in terms of black and white and....no wait a minute, maybe everyone isn't like that and these people, like me are onto something here.' Maybe it was a form of denial, that all these people were like me so of course they can't have autism! I am actually off sick at the moment with burnout and I'm debating posting a 'hey, I'm autistic' message to our group chat before Monday. 

    I will however, be telling my management team because they already treat me like I am irritating and I took some time off with stress last year which was largely triggered by a huge increase in workload and having to move to a new office, they could not understand why I was so stressed and upset by having to work in a new room and I didn't have the 'I'm autistic' understanding or reasoning to give. I will be requesting reasonable adjustments to work from home one day a week and to reduce my workload so we will see how that goes! 

    I haven't really decided on telling any friends, the small handful that I do have although one of my friends is definitely neurodiverse she just hasn't been assessed. 

    So, I'm kind of in a neurodiverse closet of my own making at the moment. For myself, it's changing how I am understanding and treating myself, I am trying to be gentle with myself, allow myself time to enjoy my interests without guilt and time to recharge my batteries but I'm also making an effort to be social, making friends is such a challenge for me because I mask but I am trying to make an effort to socialize more.