I'm six days from receiving my diagnosis and I've been trying to pick my life apart wondering what is autistic and not autistic.
But now I'm wondering if that is really a valid or the right question. For instance I told my assessor that I feel I play a role in
work and with family and am only myself at home when I can recharge and rest (I live alone).
She said straight away that that is masking. I'm 51 so I'm sure I've been doing a lot of things for years and years that I didn't know I was doing.
Trying to fit in and knowing that I don't so pretending and just being exhausted by it all.
I found the assessment itself quite triggering. Bringing up a lot of childhood experiences that I've blocked out but were indications of autism.
The diagnosis is new and I haven't told anyone, so I'm trying to get a picture of things and it's too confusing.
Like when I make a grocery list I make it in the order of the stores I'm going to and then by the layout of the store inside. I like the order of this,
makes me feel calm especially if the shops are busy.
Lots of things I do have me asking myself Is that autistic? Or is there no separation?
Completely baffled right now.