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How to become more independent?

paris

How do you find living on your own? I really want to move in to my own place as I am 27, nearly 28, and I am still so dependent on my parents but they are getting on in years and I know I can’t be relying on them forever. It’s a terrifying thought for me as I am autistic, shy and very quiet, I hardly speak and I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.

I feel like I’m in a car and no one’s driving. Going forward but no one’s here steering.

One thing I have done is started going out by myself, 5 minutes every day to the park in the morning when it’s nice and quiet. When I get home I get washed over by total exhaustion and need to sleep for an hour or 2 to recover.I wish I didn’t get tired so easily, but when you’re autistic there is so much to process and do to get through everything. I've always been like this, at school if it was a busier more hard wearing day I would be exhausted by lunch and several times I was told off for falling asleep in class. I wish I had been diagnosed at the time, they might have been more understanding about it.

I'm not rushing this, rushing in usually has a bad outcome, so I am trying to take my time with this in the hopes it all works out in the end.

Oh and hi, I’m Paris.

  • Hi Paris,

    Welcome to the forum – I’m a new member too.

    So much of what you’ve shared really resonates with me, and I’m sure with many others here as well. I left home at 18, but moved straight in with a much older boyfriend who handled most of the “independent living” tasks – paying bills, doing the shopping, working full-time. He also criticised me when I didn’t keep up with housework. It wasn’t a healthy setup, and it took me seven years to find the courage to leave. When I finally did, it was terrifying. I had no idea how to live on my own.

    But I’ve learned that there is support out there.

    Peabody offers advice on managing finances. I’ve found that setting all my direct debits to go out the day my money comes in really helps, along with a personal rule to avoid impulse purchases.

    You can also contact your local adult social care team and request a care needs assessment. They may be able to put support in place to help you live more independently.

    If you haven’t already, I’d recommend applying for PIP (Personal Independence Payment). It’s designed to help with the additional costs associated with disability. I use mine to pay for a cleaner twice a week – housework is something I really struggle with, and having the cleaner booked gives me a built-in routine and a reason to tidy up regularly.

    The fatigue you mention is something I really relate to. When I push myself too hard, I hit autistic burnout – and it takes a long time to recover. One strategy that’s helped me is energy accounting: balancing draining activities with ones that restore energy (like engaging in special interests or resting when needed). Here’s a useful article on that: https://www.spectrumgaming.net/post/energy-accounting

    Wanting to live more independently – and recognising that your parents won’t always be there – is a big, brave step. It’s completely valid to feel anxious about it. But you’re not alone. Independent living doesn’t mean doing everything by yourself – it just means finding a setup that works for you, with the right support in place. And that’s absolutely possible.

  • Hi Paris,

    Welcome to the online community and thank you for sharing your experience with us.

    The NAS has some really helpful advice and guidance on Autistic fatigue and burnout it may be worth taking a look. It can be so hard to work on independence and you are taking some incredible steps forward so well done!

    I have also linked our Autism Services Directory this is a useful tool if you would like to find specific additional help in your area. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod