I feel angry when someone interrupts me doing my task, if it’s more than one time than I feel very angry and am more likely to “explode” and I feel terribly guilty if I couldn’t finish my task. And it affects me at work. I also feel anxious that someone will come and talk to me and expect eye contact and small talk from me which I’m not good at. I already hear about myself that I’m a weirdo, it does not hurt me much, I’m kinda used to it (my whole life) but when I hear the “good NT advice” and I know that I fail because of my previous experience, I feel helpless and just inferior to all others around. I have this feeling since my childhood, since ever but only during last year recognized that and found a name to this feeling. Exploring autism and myself helped me with it. But I still don’t know how to deal with these negative emotions. Is there any solution?
One good thing is that I met a colleague at work, we didn’t talk much, but just sitting next to this man and stimming together feels good. We have very similar way of stimming and I’m the only person he is not ashamed of it and stims freely in my presence. This is nice actually. I feel on my radar that he is like me and I think he might think that too.
i also feel guilty if someone acts aggressive next to me. Then I hide and I have to repeat to myself:” it’s not my fault! It’s not my fault!” This one I think is a childhood trauma response.