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Nice to meet you too!
It's all been a big learning exercise, I'm just starting to wonder what I'm actually trying to figure out and how to use that to some benefit. Most of the time I don't like the answers I come up with so I dismiss myself and carry on masking through life.
It's safe here, even if at times it feels like there's friction or misunderstanding, I feel it's somewhere I can be quite open, in fact now I don't have a therapist any longer it's the only place.
no form of trying to figure yourself out is failure. all self learning is positive. 
nice to meet you Autistician. im new here so trying to figure out if i feel safe or not so i very much understand. 
Sad to see someone leave, sometimes it is very hard , even when around similar folks, to feel comfortable or express yourself.
I'm posting this too late as he's gone already so won't see it, I've been away from the forum for a while, trying to figure myself out ,failing at that, so came back knowing that there's a form of safety here and no judgement. Hopefully others feel the same.
hi. feeling a bit depressed from fears this is triggering but i didnt mean he likes it. i mean that he likes things it has done for him.
sorry im not used to an autistic saying they like masking, so if it works for you, great.
I don't believe that Martin has said that actually ie that he 'likes' masking.
It's much more complex than that.
I'm the same as Martin in my views/understanding of 'masking' and I was late diagnosed too at 60.
My masking/camouflaging is as much me as my autism is. Unsurprising, as it is something I have done since infancy. It causes me little or no discomfort and it has social advantages. I have never understood the concept of 'born again Christian', how would you know such a an odd thing as a second birth had happened? It is the same for me with the concept of 'unmasking', I would not be able to imagine how to go about it. I am also very sceptical about its benefits in my case, if I was able to recognise how to do it in the first place.
Given the levels of alexithymia in autistics, there must me many who would find it difficult to distinguish between 'assumed' and 'natural' behaviours.
It is possible, but I think that it requires two things, to be able to perceive and adapt to a reasonable extent to the methods and norms of the majority in society, and to be able to do this without harming yourself to any great extent in the process.
I have developed into a sort of social chameleon, I can adapt to most social environments, except when I get sensory overload. I worked for years on mass spectrometers. These instruments have noisy high vacuum pumps and tend to be grouped together in large rooms. I used ear-plugs, but that made conversations with colleagues very difficult, so I often had to put up with the noise - until I couldn't. Then I would have to sit somewhere quiet with no people for half an hour before being able to work again.
For 99+% of the time I can pass as neurotypical, which is the main reason I reached 59 without a diagnosis - a diagnosis I sought after self-diagnosing. I actively scan other people and adapt myself to the company I am in. If an autistic person can do this, I think a reasonably happy life is possible. I am fairly happy with mine, so far. I do not think that being an autistic that fits seamlessly into neurotypical society should be a prerequisite for a happy life, but I fear that it often is.
Hi The Fool. There's an earlier post on this forum called Hi. There's some lovely people on that forum, I'd suggest you post of that one. Have you tried any hobbies or social clubs you could join? I emphasize with you and you are never alone.
Hi. The Fool, you are very welcome to stay here. Yes of course, it's possible for an autistic man like yourself to find true happiness. If you need to talk about anything, please feel free to reply to me. If there's anything you would like me to look into for you, I'll take a look for you, e.g. any tips or advice.
