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Processing people's emotional distress

Dan

My best friend doesn't 'burden' me with her problems (when she's feeling low, upset etc) because she feels hurt when I don't react in a typical empathetic way.

This actually upsets me because I feel a whole part of her existence is being filtered out to avoid causing either of us harm, which makes me feel the friendship is less authentic.

For context - When I'm confronted with these situations, I believe I experience emotional/sensory overload which leads to shutdowns. I also believe that I may be feeling their emotions but not fully understanding what that emotional state is, which leads to distress. I also feel a sort of pressure to do/say the right thing, which is stressful but can also feel inauthentic. Most commonly I shutdown, but I have also had to flee the situation because it became so overwhelming, which makes me feel terrible, but I had to do it. An additional note is that I'm also very empathetic with my dog, and animals in general. Way more than humans.

I'd like to become better at dealing with negative emotions in order to strengthen our friendship, so I'd like to ask if anybody has had any luck at being more emotionally supportive for the people they care about. Gimme some examples Slight smile

Parents

  • First things first, when supporting sombody remember you have two ears and one mouth and they should be used in those proportions. Listening is a really good skill to have, to fully attend to another's voice.

    I think many of us don't actually know what it is we're feeling, or at least we can't put a name to those feelings in the way that so many others do. I'm like you in that I feel the feelings of animals and the natural world on general much more strongly than many others, Picking up on other peoples feelings and feeling them in our own bodies and minds is both a gift and a curse, a gift because when we learn how to use it properly we can do an immense amount of good, but when we don't to know how to use it and shield ourselves we feel it all anyway and become incapaciated ourselves. I dealt with it by becoming a cousellor, although I didn't know anything about autism at the time, 30 odd years ago, I think being autistic made me a better counsellor, I asked questions and made interpretations, (always phrased as a question) that an NT person wouldn't and was nearly always right, and helped the client to see things in a different way. Counselling also give you the tools to help you deal with the things you hear and feel, sometimes you will take them home with you, somethings should never become ordinary.

    Another way of learning to deal with these things, is spiritual, if you wish I can explain more, please say so.

Reply

  • First things first, when supporting sombody remember you have two ears and one mouth and they should be used in those proportions. Listening is a really good skill to have, to fully attend to another's voice.

    I think many of us don't actually know what it is we're feeling, or at least we can't put a name to those feelings in the way that so many others do. I'm like you in that I feel the feelings of animals and the natural world on general much more strongly than many others, Picking up on other peoples feelings and feeling them in our own bodies and minds is both a gift and a curse, a gift because when we learn how to use it properly we can do an immense amount of good, but when we don't to know how to use it and shield ourselves we feel it all anyway and become incapaciated ourselves. I dealt with it by becoming a cousellor, although I didn't know anything about autism at the time, 30 odd years ago, I think being autistic made me a better counsellor, I asked questions and made interpretations, (always phrased as a question) that an NT person wouldn't and was nearly always right, and helped the client to see things in a different way. Counselling also give you the tools to help you deal with the things you hear and feel, sometimes you will take them home with you, somethings should never become ordinary.

    Another way of learning to deal with these things, is spiritual, if you wish I can explain more, please say so.

Children
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