the grind of existence

I'm not staying.  I'm having my account deleted next week.  Maybe this forum needs people who are milder, more comfortable and less edgy.  I guess I don't click with autistics any more than I do typicals.  So long.

Desmond1979 I wanted to say that your response has really resonated with me. Thanks for making me think. It looks like the Fool has not stayed around, which I feel sad about. 

Expectations lead to resentment.

Having drunk the 'Education, Education, Education' Kool-Aid, I can stand as a warning for doe-eyed kids who think Uni is the way forward. IT ISN'T.

Also, the lack of a Positive Male Role Model makes young boys seek substitute Fathers; from TV/Internet/Cinematic Universes. Now, America has us by the Balls. A Bloodless Coup.

The System failed us, it was designed that way. However, we mustn't fail ourselves. Special Interests can either make or break us. Don't let it be the latter.

I’m sorry you are feeling despair. It’s understandable that you are feeling negative about many aspects of the society that we live in - it’s certainly true that aspects of it are inherently toxic to our well being - especially to autistic people. 
What’s needed when we feel like this is to attempt to find ways to cultivate happiness in our lives, as Iain has mentioned below this is possible by using approaches like mindfulness and focusing on the small daily pleasures of life - like being outside in the sunshine, making a favourite meal, watching a comedy or listening to an audiobook. Creative projects like painting or making things. Anything that you enjoy basically. Listening to music is particularly good for lifting mood. 
Ultimately we cannot change the society we live in overnight - but we do have some things available to us that we can do to help improve our day to day life. Try to focus on the present moment too - rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. I know things feel hopeless right now for you but that feeling won’t last forever - because nothing does. 
I’ve learnt so much about Mindfulness from  Thich Nhat Hanh - I’d recommend his books and YouTube videos if you want to learn more a cultivating happiness in your day to day life. 

Hi TheFool,

I do understand. Thank you so much for reaching out.

Look after yourself and please do consider speaking to someone if you need support. 

With best wishes, 

Anna Mod

I usually take it all in stride, but some days things just really rattle you especially with low self esteem and having no real sense of identity or belonging.

Dear TheFool,

Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. Thank you for sharing. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service.

We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help

If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service. In in England, Wales and Scotland there is now an option to speak with mental health professionals by selecting ‘option 2’ when calling NHS 111: www.nhs.uk/.../

You may also find the following useful:

Help for anyone struggling to cope

• Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

• Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm,

Monday to Friday)

• SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or

supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)

• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): for men 0800 58 58 58, (5pm to

midnight every day).

• Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone

struggling to cope.

We hope this is helpful to you.

Kind regards,

Anna Mod

Sometimes, I feel that our lens out on to the World can be a bit like viewing things through a Kaleidoscope. 

If you don't particularly appreciate the current view: you can refocus until you experience a preferable outlook.

Unknown said:

None of this is the fault of gen xers who learned to be happy with their lot and view life through rose tinted glasses, no offence.

I don't think we were happy with out lot, just that we developed survival techniques which is why we are still alive today to talk about them.

You have the power to make the changes for yourself if you choose to, to be willing to endure the harshness of your situation in order to make time to find the better path for you and to try to find the things worth living for.

You have to want it though - this is often where I have seen missing in those who fell by the wayside through my life.

Only you can make the difference in the end.

I still felt wounded from yesterday after the bungled ECG and the revelation that I have high blood pressure and may have developed diabetes.

Hi. How are you doing today? There are many things I am indeed grateful for and sometimes the rose tinted glasses work. I do think that I can also feel the same way as you do, even though I am gen x. And that that is partly because of being autistic. But I wholy believe that your generation have it harder than I personally did. Keep posting and keep reading others posts. You are not alone.

In my case I never had any of those experiences and I resented everything and everyone.  Now I'm just running out the clock until my body decides to call it quits.  My generation (millennials) was led along the garden path until we were unceremoniously dumped into adulthood without a plan.

As for me I was held back, infantilised, underestimated and assumed to just go along and be happy.  Now I'm 36, still living under my parents, unemployable, regularly having self destructive ideation despite past medication and counselling and no social life.  I'm thinking of going out after my parents both pass away.

None of this is the fault of gen xers who learned to be happy with their lot and view life through rose tinted glasses, no offence.

Unknown said:

what is there to live for

I asked myself the same things when I was in my early 20s - the adult world was expensive, complicated and unfriendly so it was hard to find things to make it worth while.

In the short term I found myself learning mindfulness and looking for the little things each day to find a reason to go a bif further each time.

At the time I worked in a warehouse of a supermarket that was made of dark corregated metal with no air conditioning (ie absurdly hot in the summer and freezing in the winter) and my job was to offload lorries of deliveries and move them internally to their staging places each day.

It was really hard work, physically uncomfortable (before H&S laws about working temp ranges) and mostly me on my own moving several hundred metal cages of goods around.

I even fund myself looking forward to taking a break to drink water just for the relief of stopping and quenching my thirst. Then it was mealtimes to look forward to (packed lunch I made earlier) and eventually going home (5 mile bicicle ride) - just finding one achievable thing to look forward to was all that got me through the worst of the days.

Later on when I found a partner then I could look forward to meeting at weekends, when I got a car I could look forward to going places too - basically building up things with time and effort.

Forget what you are being told by companies that want your money and look for things that mean something to you. Maybe it is cooking / baking, getting fit, helping a charity etc Try to think about these things in a positive way and look forward to them and you will soon find it is enough to live for.

I'm posting a link here to the NAS pages on Depression.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression#How%20do%20I%20get%20help%20and%20support?

Not just because of the nature of this post, but because of the others you've posted today in similar vein, and because others may be reading this who need some help in deciding where to go for some assistance. 

I wish you well going forward. 

A long time ago, when I was in a dark place myself I replied to a message about misery. I totally messed it up. I will try not to do the same here.

Firstly, do have a look at the responses to your other thread. They might help.

It is a difficult question to answer, especially when I have only just met you. But, if you are feeling unsafe, please see the advice below:

https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

For me, I am very aware that when I get into that very dark place, the only thing that keeps me safe is following a crisis plan. 

If you are safe, then ... hello and what can I do to help?