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Working in a team

aurelis

It’s so hard I find to work in a team with others. I had thought that I was a collaborative person, and I’m very social person. But as I’m going through a mentally challenging time, I’m realising that I’m not as much of a team worker as I thought.

For starters, I subconsciously work in my own head when working as a team, and so used to wanting to be more perfect before sharing to the group, because I’m self conscious but also because I know I get stuck for coming up with creative ideas when I’m in a group with others and have to collaborate on the spot. It’s frustrating because I really want to collaborate in a way where I can really open up and also receive people’s responses and take them in. Sometimes I don’t even take in other ideas properly. This is in relation to creative tasks.

If I lead on a project, I become intense, and it can put more pressure than is needed. I tend to overdo work when it comes to a task and I don’t know how to break down tasks into manageable pieces, and focus on what is needed and not over do. It’s led to me being an intense person I feel, as I can’t seem to let go of being perfect.

I’ve realised how much I’ve been in my head and not even realised it fully until now, and I don’t know what to do to get myself out my head, and collaborate in a way where I know what I can or can’t do (because I try to do everything) whilst being able to know how long to work for, and how to work within limits, whilst absorbing everyone’s thoughts, whilst keeping my own identity.

Any thoughts? This article explains that feeling perfectly;

differentminds.scot/.../

  • Autistic people can and do work in teams - but the pulse of work across the week may be reshaped to incorporate and harness working styles and energy availability plus recuperation needs.

    I have often worked in teams including ND members - autistic and other ND individuals - plus Neurotypical people too.

    What seems to be important is that we find some common-denominator means of working together and that we respect and capitalise upon the different demands which challenge the team.

    Awareness around energy levels and stressors are key.  What one person finds stressful - another may not, and so on.  Swapping between "first chair" and "second chair" on some tasks can provide both respite for one person and development of skills and experience for the second person (with a safety net if being able to sound-board with the "second chair" as necessary.

    Some Neurotypical teams may seem to favour a Friday morning team meeting ...which rarely seems to suit the Neurodivergent contingent.

    The business (and busyness) of perfectionism is a double-edged sword in that when needed it can be called upon and deployed to devastatingly good effect ... however, on the flip-side; it can be both alienating to other team members and risks becoming a route to burnout for the perfectionista.

    Another reality of life - not to be overlooked; is that, at any time, one or more / each person within a team may have something stressing them outside of work - but their colleagues may be unaware of that reality - and the capacity of one another to juggle in / out of workplace stressors can vary considerably.  

    Nobody can be on stellar form 100% of the time.  Thankfully, unless some hiring manager has made the mistake of recruiting a team full of clones, that should not be a problem - as long as it really is a team (as opposed to merely a bunch of disparate people whose names were lumped together under one heading on an organisation chart!).

    Yes, there may be autistic people who have: a feeling that perfection, self-reliance and a workaholic tendency is OK.  However, over time and with the toll from the rough and tumble of real life, or multiple concurrent projects / programmes ...one or more aspects of that list will likely rear its head as unsustainable.

    Learning and experimenting with ways of taking yourself "out of your head" (as necessary to engage with other members of the team and spread the wear) may feel - somehow artificial - but worthwhile nevertheless. 

    Establishing a level of trust (through communication) is the first stage - way ahead of implementation of any changes to work pattern / style.  I have previously found it helpful to explain to everyone in the team how I natural prefer to work, which element I plan to work on adjusting, how I envisage I might find that awkward and in what format I would welcome cooperation / support from others within the team - if they are up for the experiment / challenge.

    Starting small and layering on additional changes once the earlier habit has settled seems to be the navigable way towards progress.  (Don't attempt tweaking too many features all at the same time).

    Sometimes feedback from colleagues / self-reflection may demand a review, rethink and redeployment in pursuit of adoption of a new or adapted technique (that is not "failure" as it just acknowledges that we are not robots, plus it is not just about suiting a subset of the team to qualify as "a win").

    Resilience is the watchword / objective for both individuals and the team as a whole.  You are trying to answer the question: "How do we learn to best work together, such that our team becomes a force to be reckoned with?".

    You will know when the team is beginning to work well when two things happen:

    1) you can successfully deputise for one another (functional tasks) ...without driving each other to distraction after the event, and

    2) you can tackle things in absence of each other (cognitive demands) in the style of decision-making / adjudication / prioritisation and communication to others ...and be glad of each other having stepped in to the availability gap.

    If you are really lucky, a mature team (finding ways of working together, not worked together for ever or anything to do with the age of the team members!) can be prepared to expose vulnerability elements to each other as necessary when an extra load presents itself in / outside work - secure in the knowledge that the team combined can handle "it" (whatever) until that issue passes.

    Some of the best functioning and challenge-adaptable teams I have experienced have included Autistic people / ND / NT members.  That way, whatever issue arises - it can be addressed innovatively and creatively (harnessing what each person adds to the team).  Sure, assessed on an individual basis, each person may have both positive things and challenges / differences, however, the performance and output of the combined team as a whole is the acid test.