Do i go for an assessment?

Hi

I'm 40 (female) and I've never ever felt like I fit in. I've always known I'm different but it's only recently I've started to question if it could be autism.

I read an article about how autism presents in females and I felt like i was reading a description of me -

* never fits in

* anxiety / depression (I've been on antidepressants for 20 ywars)

* struggle in social situations - i hate them and avoid. I overthink every interaction and try to plan conversations in my head. I feel awkward and analyse how I'm standing, how I'm walking and the eye contact I'm making. When I was younger I used to watch tv and try to see how the characters responded to certain situations and then imitate it. I'm a huge people pleaser and tell people what I think they want to hear

* I can cope with loud noises but I can't cope with lots of different noises at the same time

* I hate changes to my routine. I'd have happily stayed in 1 job for 40 years but had no choice

* if doing something new (for example taking my child to a new baby group) I have to research it then let it sit in my head fir a while before committing to going. When I buy new clothes they sit in my wardrobe for a few weeks before they become mine and I can wear them.

* I love spotting patterns like words in number plates or symmetry

I started reading the umbrella picker and a lot of the things she described totally aren't me -

* I can lie and do lie to avoid social situations 

* I'm not massively organised or neat

* my memory isn't great.

I genuinely don't know what to do. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I did an ag50 test (I think that was what it was called) and scored 33. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Parents
  • Evening Kool Kat,

    I was reading your list and I think I could just copy and paste it for my own :) I'm 52 and have now been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. The NHS test was going to take ages so I decided to go private to speed things up. For me I was pleased that I got the diagnosis as it seemed to explain all my lifetime issues, and also that it stopped me blaming myself for failing socially.

    As to whether you should have the test, I think it's up to you as to whether you feel it will help you or not. I agree with what Herge said, for me it was a relief, but also it didn't necessarily help me with everything. I'm about to do a new post asking for some advice which may be interesting to you.

  • Thank you. It's good to read your experience. 

    I think a diagnosis would help me to know that it's not my fault but then on the flip side, if an assessment said I'm not autistic then I'd have to face up to the fact that I am just not meant to fit in.

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