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How to settle in to new places

Summer

Hi I’m autistic and I’m struggling to settle in to my new home. I’ve always found it hard when it comes to being in new and unfamiliar places, like hotels and when I stay over with family members. I spent nearly 18 years in my first home and now we have moved out to the country and I’m feeling unsettled and have struggled to adjust to the new environment. The house itself isn’t much to look at, it’s old and needs a lot of work. But the countryside surrounds it and I have enjoyed the walks about.

It’s just weird because I know it’s home now but I can’t help but miss my old home. The area wasn’t the nicest (Bristol) but the house was my home from when I was a baby to February this year. I like where I am now but we’ve been here a month and I still miss my old home and feel I haven’t settled at all yet.

My mum suggested familiarising myself with the area so I've been going for walks every day and today I intend to do a bit of exploring in the garden. It's quite big and very overgrown so I thought it might be fun to explore through it.

I just wish I could settle here. My family seem to have settled, already, and I still struggle with it.

  • It is difficult, especially when there are things that needed fixing. My son struggled when we moved to the house we now live in, as he only remembered the old one. When we first moved here he wanted often to drive past the old house until eventually he was settled.

    After we moved in we gradually got things fixed that needed doing, new things put in, painted rooms and so on. Each time something improved it helped him to feel more settled. He can now see that where we are is better, but it takes time. Going for walks is a good idea and maybe anything that makes your room feel more homely. I hope my son's experience encourages you that things will get better.

  • Summer said:
    I just wish I could settle here. My family seem to have settled, already, and I still struggle with it.

    I move house about twice a year, sometimes to a different continent and I have some practice with this.

    My approach is to create a safe space and decorate it in a familiar and comfortable style so you always have an escape from the change around you.

    I have my bedroom with the same furniture and comfy reading chair plus my bookcases and of course my book collection.

    I try to limit how long I escape into it so I am still getting out and about to get used to the new area. Maybe getting a local map and mark a load of places to visit, routes to walk etc and tick these off as you go.

    Find where there are fruit trees and plan to visit in the autumn to gather fruit etc - generally finding fun stuff to do, places you can practive photography etc. By interacting with the environment more you should become familiar and comfortable with it faster.

    The last thing would be to speak to a counsellor or therapist if you have one - a few sessions should more than cover this and help you make the change in your own way of thinking to enable you to let it feel more like a new home.