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Work

Claudia

Hello Community,

I would like to ask a question, which is strictly related to my biggest problem right now.

I am not able to find a job that I can stand for more than one year. I know this is normal, because as I never even thought about being neurodivergent, I have put myself in very stressful jobs and situations in the past. I never knew what to do really, never had a dream job or something like that. 

For this reason I worked in so many different fields and covered so many roles, I have lost count now. 

Basically, I hate office jobs, because I find them boring and too passive, I need to move frequently, my legs gets restless easily, I usually feel pain, after a day spent sitting.

Apart from that, I always had an inferiority complex, feeling not smart enough for any office job I have had and people tend to speak a lot, while I have difficulties articulating dialogue, writing is the best way to communicate for me.

Also, I cannot stand being the only person taking care of a task, because people would come and ask me or they would expect I am specialized and I know the answer, but I have been suffering from brain fog a lot in the last years, so I do not retain a lot of info unfortunately and, because of my inferiority complex, I am absolutely terrified about people asking me things or public speaking or anything that puts me under the spotlight.

I have spent my whole life doing what others advised would be good for me, in terms of jobs. So first my parents (a nurse and a school janitor) pushed me to go to uni and then look for any office job, as they would think that is the best job ever, comparing to their jobs.

As I never liked any of those office jobs, I never specialized in anything, tried admin, HR, customer services, operations, but nothing works for me, I hate them all and everytime I ended up quitting in burnout.

Hospitality is my only "happy place", specifically every time I worked as a waitress in catering, I have really enjoyed and felt happy, loved the fact that it is a dynamic role and never boring. (it is also true that I had these experiences in hospitality before unmasking, so I don't know if this would work for me now).

Thing is, my current partner pushed me into leaving hospitality, as he thinks these kind of jobs have no future, they are not going to help us economically and I will not always be young and able to perform physically demanding jobs. 

Currently I am looking for a job, after a whole year home. During this year I have tried studying programming languages, hoping I could find joy in a job that could create something, but I found it very difficult and ended up abandoning the idea.

I have no idea what to do with my life, I am applying for part-time jobs as I do not want to go back full-time straightaway, I do not feel ready. My partner still advise I look for office jobs, but I really think he does not understand me and my situation. He often defines my issues like "just a wrong point of view", or a "wrong way of looking at things". He says I should grow-up and look for an adult job, that I will not be able to work part-time in simple jobs forever and I am starting to think he will never understand my needs, which makes me feel desperate.

What do you guys do, what are your roles and do you have any advice for me?

Thank you so much to anyone who will answer!!!

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    Well if you can recomend me to someone like Musk or Gates then I'd be happy to mess up their tech for a very large salary! I think my skills in this area are second to none and should be recompensed accordingly

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I was going to recommend an electrical testing role...  Laughing

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    More like I'm the only person who can stand working with me!

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    The only job I've ever stayed in and not been sacked from was being self employed

    Nepotism !  

  • The only job I've ever stayed in and not been sacked from was being self employed.

  • Hi there, I can relate to this. I’ve been working in marketing for a good few years now and although some roles have been better then others, I’ve been really struggling with it recently, especially when understanding and following instructions. I also take things literally which has got me into trouble (I took a parent as giving verbal Consent to be on a video literally instead of written consent which got me a written warning). I’ve not yet been diagnosed, but I scored 35 on the 50 aq test and going to speak to my gp. I used to enjoy waitressing as well, anything that was more practical and hands on, but I’m in my mid 40s now and live alone, I can’t afford to pay my mortgage on a minimum wage. I understand what your partner is saying, but you are who you are and it’s more important to be happy at work than have a career plan. Perhaps you could do a couple of days a week in an admin job and a couple in a more practical role so you get that balance. It’s something I’ve been thinking about too. 

  • I do work I don't like every day, but I focus on my goals, not how I achieve them.

    Think of it like a football player—does he love running for 90 minutes just to chase the ball? No, he's thinking about scoring a goal so he can buy a great house.

    That's what jobs are like. It's not about what we love; it's about what we need

  • Claudia said:
    I have been suffering from brain fog a lot in the last years, so I do not retain a lot of info unfortunately and, because of my inferiority complex,

    If you could get to the bottom of the issues with your inferiority complex, do you think this would help make you more suitable for retaining information?

    If the answer is yes then in our situation I would look to get a therapist who can help me work through this issue and learn to find your self confidence.

    The therapist would need to have a lot of experience in helping autistic people and ideally with self confidence issues and they are likely to have a range of strategies to use to help you break through this barrier.

    Of course if you are happy with being the way you are then this is a moot point - I was just considering what could expand your options of jobs you would be happy in.

  • Hi Claudia, I agree with what O & U is talking about, you need to find a job that you are happy doing otherwise you are not going to break the cycle. If you really enjoyed hospitality why not go back to it? It is far more important to have your health and to be happy!

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    Not at all, I absolutely appreciate honesty, thank you so much  

    You are right, I have constantly followed other people advice, because I never knew who I was, I realized this not long ago. I never knew, what I liked, what I did not, my preferences with so many things. I believe that masking for me was basically being a people pleaser and for this I never questioned myself.

    I hope he will understand my needs, I will try to have a converstaion or ten, hopefully he will be open to listen to me.

  • It seems to me that if you are happy being involved in hospitality, then why not remain there.   You've illustrated a pattern of other people advising you to take different career paths time & time again, and each time you say you've been unhappy with the results.  

    Perhaps this time, in the spirit of being ASD - and Neuro-divergent - it is time to go with your own instinct, rather than to follow the teachings of others into yet another scenario that might work for them, but likely wont work for you? 

    I don't really have much time for those who can't educate themselves on the nuances of being ND.  I think the attitude you've described from your partner is at best unfortunate and at worst ignorant and controlling.   I think some re-education around Autism is badly needed in that person's case, and urgently.  I am sorry for being blunt, but you did ask.  

    I wish you luck in finding a job you enjoy.  Many people never find that option, and you've already identified a sector that provides those.