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Late diagnosed female with autism (39) shutting down

Jax

Hi,

I was diagnosed with autism a few weeks ago. I was angry - I grieved for the life I could have had , how things could have been different.

But now I am going through something else. I can barely form sentences, the cognitive effort of speaking to anyone is so great that a ten minute conversation makes me feel exhausted , everything is too loud , my body hurts all the time and I am struggling to see the point in anything.

I had a week off work and got nothing done I was intending to. I just stayed in bed and occasionally played animal crossing. Now I am back at work and yesterday I had to stop at 1:30 because I physically couldn't stay awake any longer. Back at my desk today (work from home) but everything is just a lot.

In the past when this has happened when I had other diagnoses I was considered to be in a depressive state. Now I don't even know if that is what this is anymore. I feel like i've lost the language to describe what's happening.

I don't really know what I am saying - has anyone experienced similar?

Parents

  • Hi, just wanted to say hi. I'm 41 and also late diagnosed. I had a very similar experience, although I went into denial for a long time after my diagnosis. In fact I was actually diagnosed 8 years ago but carried on my life in constant burnout, determined not to let autism 'beat me' (it's awful I know but I was full of internalised ableism). It's only when I pretty much had a breakdown that I reached acceptance. I went through the grief stage, thinking how my life could've been different if I hadn't been so misunderstood, then obsessive research stage (it's amazing how little I knew about my own condition). This research enabled me to understand myself a lot better, so much so that I seemed to enter a new burnout, kind of like a relief that I can finally rest, be me. It's like my life finally made sense and it gave me a weird mixture of sadness and grief and it seemed to overcome me after dissociating from all for a long time. It sounds like you might be in burnout, that something subconscious has happened since your diagnosis. This happens to me every once in a while, but I don't know what my body and emotions are doing half of the time! Please give yourself time to rest. Do some research, look up 'unmasking' which is really helping me. Listen to your body and do what you need to rest and recover from what has been a big revelation in your life.

    I wish there was more support out there for late diagnosed adults, we're kind of just left to get on with it, yet people our age have grown up in a time where autism was barely recognised and are surrounded by people with outdated ideas of what autism is (at least that's been my experience anyway). 

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  • Hi, just wanted to say hi. I'm 41 and also late diagnosed. I had a very similar experience, although I went into denial for a long time after my diagnosis. In fact I was actually diagnosed 8 years ago but carried on my life in constant burnout, determined not to let autism 'beat me' (it's awful I know but I was full of internalised ableism). It's only when I pretty much had a breakdown that I reached acceptance. I went through the grief stage, thinking how my life could've been different if I hadn't been so misunderstood, then obsessive research stage (it's amazing how little I knew about my own condition). This research enabled me to understand myself a lot better, so much so that I seemed to enter a new burnout, kind of like a relief that I can finally rest, be me. It's like my life finally made sense and it gave me a weird mixture of sadness and grief and it seemed to overcome me after dissociating from all for a long time. It sounds like you might be in burnout, that something subconscious has happened since your diagnosis. This happens to me every once in a while, but I don't know what my body and emotions are doing half of the time! Please give yourself time to rest. Do some research, look up 'unmasking' which is really helping me. Listen to your body and do what you need to rest and recover from what has been a big revelation in your life.

    I wish there was more support out there for late diagnosed adults, we're kind of just left to get on with it, yet people our age have grown up in a time where autism was barely recognised and are surrounded by people with outdated ideas of what autism is (at least that's been my experience anyway). 

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