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Rudeness?

Samuel50

Interested in any thoughts on this one.

So I'm on holiday this week. Enjoying lunch outside with my partner.

A singer starts up not far away, not great and I can't shut him out.

So he's distracting, but I figure he's a right to be there I suppose.

He comes over after a particularly poor (imho) performance and asks for tips.

I say "no, thank-you, I didn't enjoy it"

He replies huffily "thanks for your opinion, no-one cares"

So my partner says the guy will think I'm rude

I suppose I was when I think about it

What was going through my head was "you've annoyed me and now you want a tip so I want to express my annoyance politely so I'll add a thank-you"

No idea how much of what I do is autistic or just bad manners sometimes. I really wasn't trying to spoil anyone's day.

Also, why am I still thinking about it 6 hours later?

Parents

  • You're still thinking about it 6 hours later because that's what autistic brains tend to do - keep going over something that felt uncomfortable or "not quite right" and evaluating everything that happened. I find that my mind searches for alternative things I might have said or done, and then tries to work out what would have happened as a response in each scenario, to try to be prepared to deal with things better in the future.

    I think that the response that Overwhelmed & underwhelmed suggested of saying "sorry, I don't carry cash" is a good one, so maybe keep that in mind.

    Actually I would have been pretty annoyed if someone had been singing near me when I was trying to eat a meal and then had been interrupted by them asking for money You didn't actually do anything wrong in this instance, but people get hurt feelings and NT world is very much based on feelings. I try to remember something I heard years ago: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"

    You can still think it though, or write it on here anonymously to get things 'off your chest' as they say! Blush

  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"

    My dad always used to say to me growing up to “engage brain before mouth” . I am not sure if he drilled that into me because I perhaps came across as being too direct. I don’t think there was much wrong with what Samuel50 said as I appreciate honesty even if it can sometimes not be what you want to hear. I wish I was able to deliver my honest opinion these days instead of just trying to please others. I have experienced a singer in a restaurant just before last Christmas and wasn’t prepared for it, to make it worse there was only one table between us. She was very good but it was far too loud and everyone was talking very loudly as they could not hear each other, it felt like an explosion had gone off in my head. On the positive side she had already been paid so no tips required. 

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  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"

    My dad always used to say to me growing up to “engage brain before mouth” . I am not sure if he drilled that into me because I perhaps came across as being too direct. I don’t think there was much wrong with what Samuel50 said as I appreciate honesty even if it can sometimes not be what you want to hear. I wish I was able to deliver my honest opinion these days instead of just trying to please others. I have experienced a singer in a restaurant just before last Christmas and wasn’t prepared for it, to make it worse there was only one table between us. She was very good but it was far too loud and everyone was talking very loudly as they could not hear each other, it felt like an explosion had gone off in my head. On the positive side she had already been paid so no tips required. 

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