This morning I read a thought-provoking / rather disconcerting article as an example of those identified, as adults, as Autistic (and seeking support):
Near the end of the article; the below sentence is offered to the Autistic adult who had written in, with the opening statement "I am writing to you from the edge of the abyss… ", looking for support for their having experienced struggles in their life. Note also, the article title summary of "one dramatic crisis after another" which was not the Autistic person's expression, nor my judgement:
"Find your dignity by how you treat and talk to yourself, and face your struggles."
On the one hand, I liked the intent of encouraging the Autistic person to find an improved manner in their of self-talk voice etc. However, the "find your dignity" introduction to that sentence bothered me. I would not have chosen to imply a lack of dignity to someone on the edge of the abyss. Also, I felt an assertion of someone needing to find dignity all rather played into a stigma trope nobody would welcome.
Somebody in that Autistic person's situation being told to "face your struggles" also did not strike me as offering much hope and a route map / pathway towards a more manageable and fulfilling life experience and (in the Autistic adult's own words): start living.
At the end of the article, a book unfamiliar to me was mentioned (I wondered if anyone in our Community had read it, plus what you felt about its merits / limitations?):
"An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis by Gillan Drew provides practical advice for adults recently diagnosed with autism, covering social challenges, relationships and daily life strategies."
Having read the letter / article, I caught myself wondering: if a friend, neighbour, workplace colleague, or relative of mine had written such a letter to me, seeking support in such circumstances, ...what would I counsel?
I think my "go-to" constructs would include: a) recognising their myriad efforts to date, b) acknowledging there really have been struggles, c) giving them solace that they are not alone, d) encouraging approaches towards small, incremental, steps of hope in attaining the sensation of "start living".
If I had a concern / constructive criticism, from my perspective, "start living" risks being to vague an objective to aid the person achieve their desired new life experience.
I feel the person would benefit from support around breaking that down into e.g. "what good would look like", the difference between "needs and wants", thinking about the potential "sequence of events and time line", which aspects might be "priority issues", which things they might feel "ready to try tackling themselves" (with a signposted safety net / buddy to help them navigate unexpected blockers discovered along the way), how might they recognise / measure when they had achieved "got there" and keep track of celebration of those small wins rolling up into the wider new picture of progress, encouraging them to consider who might be their trusted, neutral, allies in tough times too.
Admittedly, at the outset, their route map is likely to seem more of a daunting "fell run" than a more placid "level canal tow path saunter". There should be no dishonour in building up from a saunter towards that run.
There is a small paperback carried by some public Libraries which comes to mind, not abou Autism, but everything to do with building continuous self-improvement and motivation:
"Never Give In" by Major Scotty Mills (2024).
What might you advise your late-diagnosed Autistic adult friend (trying to step forward towards "start living")?
