Help

I am approaching 40 and have just been diagnosed with autism. We believe that my daughter possibly is also. My home life isn’t great at the minute mostly self inflicted. My relationship with my daughter hasn’t been great for a while or my wife. I don’t really know where to turn at the minute. I have a heavy sense of shame and embarrassments hanging over me like a dark cloud at the minute  

Parents
  • Hi Peter - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community.

    I'm going to reply in two parts, because the forum spam filter doesn't like too many links at once.

    During the period following a diagnosis, it can be common for us  to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation. Besides potentially feeling relief about getting our diagnosis, this can also include working through a phase where we experience confusion and/or (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. So please don't worry - this is normal. 

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions for my various difficulties.  

    Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Reply
  • Hi Peter - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community.

    I'm going to reply in two parts, because the forum spam filter doesn't like too many links at once.

    During the period following a diagnosis, it can be common for us  to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation. Besides potentially feeling relief about getting our diagnosis, this can also include working through a phase where we experience confusion and/or (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. So please don't worry - this is normal. 

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions for my various difficulties.  

    Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Children
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