First conscious burnout

Hello, I’m not doing too good, I don’t know what’s going on with me, struggling to understand what I see before me sometimes, like it’s a whole new bright world but I’m unable to feel apart of it. I’m trying to stick to my routine as much as possible even if that isn’t easy, it’s like I’m scrambling to fit all the puzzle pieces back together before I can feel myself again and now I’m frightened I won’t forget what this hell feels like and I’ll be like this forever. I’ve had way too much on my plate and I’ve ignored the warning signs because I didn’t know what they were but they were there and they came from my own mouth multiple times towards others explaining that I cannot continue to help them any longer or do others roles for them because they are too involved in themselves. I’ve got myself, my partner and our 4 kids who are all on the spectrum in some way, they are all highly functioning with their own unique behaviours and some also have ADHD which means there’s a constant pack of wild animals running through the house which guess what is also far too over stimulating because they do not listen. I feel very alone because no one understands me and I barely know who I am now. I’m just having to do my best and that’s all I can do till the day I feel better.

Parents
  • it’s like I’m scrambling to fit all the puzzle pieces back together before I can feel myself again and now I’m frightened I won’t forget what this hell feels like and I’ll be like this forever

    It does pass so have faith in yourself.

    You won't forget what now feels like if you take the time to journal it and write out what you are afraid of forgetting.

    I feel very alone because no one understands me and I barely know who I am now.

    Add this to your journal to deal with when you are in a better place.

    For now work on removing more of the things that are direct stressers for you. Tell your partner why you need to do this and ask for their suppor. Maybe you need to get a day or two out in a hotel to get away from it all - that used to work for me.

    I think worrying about why you are is misplacing your energy. You will always be you and the understanding of it is best done when you are in a more stable place mentally. What you are experiencing now is stress induced I suspect and the stress does strange things to us.

    For now don't worry about the existential issues such as identity and focus more on getting out of the dark hole.

Reply
  • it’s like I’m scrambling to fit all the puzzle pieces back together before I can feel myself again and now I’m frightened I won’t forget what this hell feels like and I’ll be like this forever

    It does pass so have faith in yourself.

    You won't forget what now feels like if you take the time to journal it and write out what you are afraid of forgetting.

    I feel very alone because no one understands me and I barely know who I am now.

    Add this to your journal to deal with when you are in a better place.

    For now work on removing more of the things that are direct stressers for you. Tell your partner why you need to do this and ask for their suppor. Maybe you need to get a day or two out in a hotel to get away from it all - that used to work for me.

    I think worrying about why you are is misplacing your energy. You will always be you and the understanding of it is best done when you are in a more stable place mentally. What you are experiencing now is stress induced I suspect and the stress does strange things to us.

    For now don't worry about the existential issues such as identity and focus more on getting out of the dark hole.

Children
  • Thank you so much Iain, I like to get replies. I’m like a newbie autistic person so I’m learning what’s what and yes I must remove all stressors that are too much for me personally. This is what I’m working on, even work have been told I’ll leave unless they fix the job.