Parents on the spectrum

I have Aspergers. I have 2 boys, 9 and 20yrs old. I think they have traits too.

I hope from their point of view, that I'm able to be a father.. better, the father I am, to them. I hope I can connect with them enough to teach them the things my father taught me.

I feel joyous when I can and guilty that I can't. For me there's no 1 thing, but a little of everything. I stay strong, to be there if they need me!

Firstly, I don't have a diagnosis of autism.  I have another thread about my disastrous assessment, where I received a diagnosis of GAD, which I'm dubious about (IntenseWorld has been helpful there).

I think there is a weird presumption that parents are not on the spectrum.  Many parents who are on the spectrum do not have a diagnosis and many will not even be aware that they are on the spectrum at all.  I've met a few like that, who have no clue their child's autism probably comes from them, even though the rest of the world can see it.  People like me have issues that are far more hidden.  Most people I meet would never guess I have any issues at all, yet I've been diagnosed with GAD.  I don't think those assessing my daughter even considered digging deeper into the issues I raised about myself, when we were talking about my daughter's family medical history.  In fact, any autistic like traits I did mention were cast aside as if they meant nothing (even though I'm clearly genetically related to my child).

When your child is diagnosed, you're handed a bundle of info and left to get on with it.  If you're lucky, you might be told about support groups, which are helpful for some, but for those who are anxious in social situations, they're seldom ideal.  If you need anything at all for your child, be it OT or speech & language, etc, you have to go and seek it, just like everyone else.

When it comes to dealing with schools, you're on your own, as it's assumed you're capable - you're an adult, you can speak, get your point across, not burst into tears and stress all the time about the little niggly things that your child is telling you about - those assumptions were way of the mark in my case.  To add to this, my daughter was at a terrible school for 3 years and I had an awful time trying to get the senior staff to listen to my concerns.  Thankfully, a brand new school opened and I moved my daughter there.  It's been the best decision I've ever made and the change in her proved to me how bad the school really was.  The head teacher at the new school wants to hear about any problems and doesn't sweep any under the carpet (few that they are).  She deals with them and I always get a call back, no matter how trivial the matter might seem.  Had this school not opened, I would be extremely stressed by now and seriously considering home schooling, partly so that I didn't need to deal with school staff.

Dealing with my daughter's behaviour has its challenges, but it's compounded by how I am.  I'm prone to the odd adult tantrum.  My daughter is particularly non-compliant (mainly due to sensory issues and an obsession with playing).  She seldom ever does as she's asked and I have a very hard time dealing with that.  I think my traits make me more vulnerable to not being respected as a parent.  She's a lovely girl most of the time, but, whenever I ask her to do something, she just continues with what she was already doing, i.e. playing.  I've difficulty in just being assertive and sometimes the interactions just disintegrate into something resembling an argument between two siblings.

I hope that's helpful.

No there is no support for parents on the spectrum.  I am one and both my children are also on the spectrum and I can tell you this from personal experience.

hi,im a parent with aspergers age 51 and have a son 19 also an aspie. If I can be of any help, let me know.