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Autism diagnosis and the change it may have

Autismman

Hello there, I am new to this forum, really just posting out there to get some different opinions and ideas on what I am experiencing on a day to day basis. I’m a 37 year old male, left secondary school in year 7 due to bullying and not had any real education since. It wasn’t all the bullying that made me come to the decision that me and school were incompatible but it went a long way in that choice, I refused to go back. I was put on anti depressants ect but every time I tried to attend the school I would freak and withdraw from those trying to help. Anyway, that’s the rough background but in my adult life up until the last few years I never considered myself autistic until I read about it. I’m very social avoidant, dislike change unless I decide to, have a strong dislike for people making plans that involve me because I probably don’t want to go, avoid eye contact, that’s way too personal. I thrive on routine because it makes me feel safe like nothing bad will happen and it makes me feel good about myself also because I can repeat those good days where it’s just routine. I’m told I’m also very righteous? I mean I did want to be Batman of that helps but people said it wouldn’t really be possible which kinda made me have to grow up a bit. I suffer from anxiety and depression pretty much daily, I mean it’s always there really, no cure. Even at my work which is in an office environment I feel seriously overwhelmed, I’ve been there almost 20 years but my colleagues are still strangers to me and I’m almost frozen to my chair at times thinking that if I don’t put 110% in I’m gonna be looked down upon or looked at badly even though I know I work hard. I think I will seek out a diagnosis . Thank you for reading and look forward to the replies, 

Parents

  • Hi welcome. I’m a newbie here too. 18 and diagnosed with autism at 15, before that I was diagnosed with anxiety and the autism was missed amongst that I think. Oh well got there in the end.

    I’m so sorry you were bullied. I was as well, secondary school was a real challenge. Bullies really don’t think about the long-term effects they’re going to end up causing you. I feel tho it makes you stronger in the end because you got through it, you were strong and courageous, you showed them being different was a good thing.

    Anxiety and DP are a nightmare! It’s like being in a storm but at least you have comfort in knowing that the storm will pass and the sun will shine on you again. I try to distract myself when anxious, distractions help with my anxiety. Finding what works can make a big difference.

    It sounds like you’ve developed coping mechanisms that work for you tho, like maintaining a routine, which is really important for mental well-being. I’m not so good at keeping my routines. Your desire for routine as a source of safety and stability is something many people can relate to, myself included, and it’s great that you’ve recognised what helps you feel more in control.

    Seeking a diagnosis is a positive step for lots and it could provide you with a clearer understanding of your experiences and challenges, and maybe help to better cope with them. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with anxiety and depression, but connecting with professionals who can offer guidance tailored to your needs might be beneficial for you? Professionals can be a lottery as some are better than others but so far my experience has been positive with professional help. I was referred to a talking therapy and that’s been more helpful than I thought it would. That and distractions help a lot. Remember you aren’t alone with feeling like this, and it’s perfectly okay to seek support from both professionals and those who can relate to your experiences like a lot of the people here.

    Peace and positivity to you.

  • in reply to Hopscotch Queen Since 2015

    Thank you for your thoughtful response, the bullying was by my friends from primary school, they made me feel worthless because I lacked what other people had like a dad or a house because I lived in a flat, even my clothes were the target of some. It happened in the first year of secondary school. It broke me into a new person who was unable to be happy anymore and I’ve been that way since. It could be trauma perhaps made worse by the lack of seriousness in which bullying was taken, the adults let me down, the scars allowed me to make that choice that school was pointless. Honestly the things people say can cut deep and stay with you for life.

  • in reply to Autismman

    It’s bad, I know this feeling. I was bullied by other kids and even by my sister and her friends..now she denies that but I remember. She is younger than me but we attended same school. Adults don’t take it seriously at all, they always say don’t exaggerate, or yeah they bully you because they envy you, I heard it and I really doubted that anyone envied me. And I’m sure that I feel inferior even till now because of that. 

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  • in reply to Autismman

    It’s bad, I know this feeling. I was bullied by other kids and even by my sister and her friends..now she denies that but I remember. She is younger than me but we attended same school. Adults don’t take it seriously at all, they always say don’t exaggerate, or yeah they bully you because they envy you, I heard it and I really doubted that anyone envied me. And I’m sure that I feel inferior even till now because of that. 

Children
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It’s a lot worse isn’t it when you become an adult and go hang on a minute why was that allowed? It’s basically child neglect because you ignore the persons spiritual well being and at such a young age we are so impressionable and vulnerable because we are solely at the whims of the adults in charge that trauma isn’t unfortunately a hard place to reach when our basic needs are not being met. I would hope one day you can feel on an even level with others for yourself personally and anyone struggling with anything similar.