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Autism diagnosis and the change it may have

Autismman

Hello there, I am new to this forum, really just posting out there to get some different opinions and ideas on what I am experiencing on a day to day basis. I’m a 37 year old male, left secondary school in year 7 due to bullying and not had any real education since. It wasn’t all the bullying that made me come to the decision that me and school were incompatible but it went a long way in that choice, I refused to go back. I was put on anti depressants ect but every time I tried to attend the school I would freak and withdraw from those trying to help. Anyway, that’s the rough background but in my adult life up until the last few years I never considered myself autistic until I read about it. I’m very social avoidant, dislike change unless I decide to, have a strong dislike for people making plans that involve me because I probably don’t want to go, avoid eye contact, that’s way too personal. I thrive on routine because it makes me feel safe like nothing bad will happen and it makes me feel good about myself also because I can repeat those good days where it’s just routine. I’m told I’m also very righteous? I mean I did want to be Batman of that helps but people said it wouldn’t really be possible which kinda made me have to grow up a bit. I suffer from anxiety and depression pretty much daily, I mean it’s always there really, no cure. Even at my work which is in an office environment I feel seriously overwhelmed, I’ve been there almost 20 years but my colleagues are still strangers to me and I’m almost frozen to my chair at times thinking that if I don’t put 110% in I’m gonna be looked down upon or looked at badly even though I know I work hard. I think I will seek out a diagnosis . Thank you for reading and look forward to the replies, 

Parents

  • In my opinion a diagnosis is useful, if not essential .

    I found that after having a similar experience of life to most people on here, upto being almost 50, finding out that it was autism was game changing.

    I had gone through all sorts of theories over the years, most of which were very negative towards myself and finally knowing "what was up" meant I've been far kinder to myself.

    There's a lot to unpack, some negative, some positive, there's grief and remorse and regret when you start to look at yourself and your life through a new more informed lense. but doing so gives you the chance to understand and change some things that aren't good for you and keep the things that are good for you (for example, an element of masking for some people is how they survive, so unmasking isn't always a must) , in the end  it's all about having more information about yourself and how to get through the days with the least amount of pain and anxiety.

    Any knowledge is powerful, so personally I think a diagnosis, overall, is a good thing to have.

Reply

  • In my opinion a diagnosis is useful, if not essential .

    I found that after having a similar experience of life to most people on here, upto being almost 50, finding out that it was autism was game changing.

    I had gone through all sorts of theories over the years, most of which were very negative towards myself and finally knowing "what was up" meant I've been far kinder to myself.

    There's a lot to unpack, some negative, some positive, there's grief and remorse and regret when you start to look at yourself and your life through a new more informed lense. but doing so gives you the chance to understand and change some things that aren't good for you and keep the things that are good for you (for example, an element of masking for some people is how they survive, so unmasking isn't always a must) , in the end  it's all about having more information about yourself and how to get through the days with the least amount of pain and anxiety.

    Any knowledge is powerful, so personally I think a diagnosis, overall, is a good thing to have.

Children
  • in reply to Another Autistician

    I agree with that (even though I am extremely new here and not yet had a diagnosis).

    Everything is extremely raw for me and my perspective and understanding of autism has really deepened and grown over the last couple or weeks.

    I'm not sure what support for me there could actually be, but if anything the strongest draw for me would be personal validation. So many things have been or seemed off throughout my life - a diagnosis would at least allow me to have some personal answers.

    Knowledge is power, I've always liked that saying, plus I think it would drive me mental not knowing for sure. Now that I have started down this road I want to continue and see it out 

  • in reply to Another Autistician

    Thanks for your reply, much appreciated. I’ve got a drs appointment today, what’s scaring me most is somehow not getting the answers I need and being overwhelmingly lost and without reason. To me an official diagnosis is key for me to understand myself not just mentally but emotionally, if I’ve got a defined medical result then I’ll be much happier,