How do people switch off?

Just ignore the neuro-typicals & focus on those that actually make sense!  

I can't count the times I've been told to "just ignore that thing and focus on this" , if it was that easy or even possible, I wouldn't be complaining about it!

To me there's a fine line between people being innocently ignorant of our issues or just being ableist.

I already posted it somewhere here, but will do again. Maybe you can try this one? I have a notebook and write numbers in it. Following 10 digit numbers. It’s a brain massage for me, relaxing and I truly switch off. It looks like this: 

sorry for the dirty sheet. I did it already as a kid. Now just remind myself that I had such a thing. It’s hard to stop it once I start. 

I appreciate your comment.  I've tried explaining how it feels to be this way before, but normally just get told I am being 'negative' or even defeatist.   I've even been told I should force myself into different modes of thinking in order to get the full benefit, which to me is dangerous stuff - it sounds like an attempt to pull people off the spectrum and into mainstream - which would benefit nobody at all going forward. 

Speaking as a person who spent a childhood with parents who were in denial of autistic conditions, and essentially believed that kids could be trained out of them, my concerns are valid.   Presenting options and alternatives to people is one thing, telling them they have to comply is another entirely. 

It's a matter of keeping a balance.

Just wish I was better at it

Yes I do get what you mean. I'm not sure I'd do well at work without my ADHD side even though it can also cause problems. And as much as I hate my anxiety, I think it keeps the ADHD in check. But sometimes they're an absolute pain.

There are times where I think it's been positive though.

Times where my autism would keep me indoors away from people and avoid doing things, but the side of me craving to do something different, risky, new, dragged me out of my comfort zone.

The anxiety it can cause at times isn't great and the feeling of regret sometimes can be tough.

So I do think it's possible that having both can sometimes be beneficial and other times not!

Yes ADHD is very motivation based. It's also more of a difficulty in regulating attention rather than an inability to concentrate as many think it is.

Honestly I think having ADHD and autism is a cruel joke. I have 2 conditions that want entirely different things and they just seem to fight each other all of the time.

I've read bits about ADHD,, but mainly read up on autism (I was diagnosed autistic but told they suspect ADHD too, which seems fairly accurate)

From what I can gather, while autism is usually hyper or hypo senses and dis regulation of emotions etc , most ADHD traits seem to be more based around our minds chasing dopamine, so anything we find exciting or stimulating will always win our attention.

It's not very useful info though, as I can't make certain things interesting or exciting if they're just not.

I do find however that it explains why I often leave things to the last minute, my mind must enjoy the excitement of the panic to do something, but the autistic me hates what I do to myself.

I also crave order and routine but can't stick to it.

It's obvious at times that the two things play off against eachother.

Totally get what you mean about it's like your brain refuses. 

Fortunately, I have a very varied, on the go kind of job. There are only short bursts of concentration activities and I find in work I have the motivation to do these. However, I come home from work and cease to function. I can simultaneously do nothing yet be entirely unrelaxed. But I'm so exhausted from getting through the working day, I struggle to do anything else whether it be useful or productive.

It might not be much use or help, but I totally relate to most of what you and others have said in this thread.

My attention needs training, but it's the training it seems to avoid the most.

Anything that I force myself to read or concentrate on gets lost almost instantly, it's like my brain just refuses to do what I tell it unless it wants to.

When I read I often find myself off on a tangent looking things up or something in what I read reminds me of something else and I'm off.

I don't think I ever switch off. I have found I can sometimes relax if I find somewhere quiet from all sensory inputs, but it isn't long before I start to relax and my Brain will inadvertently shout "WE'RE RELAXING!! LETS GOOGLE THINGS ABOUT RELAXING!!" and off we go again...

Its a miracle I get through days at work, I think I spend more energy trying to stop myself flipping context and going off on tangents than I do on anything else, still  managing to do a job in-between it all but finding it exhausting. I can't imagine how amazing it would be to channel all that energy and focus into something productive!!

I have found coffee helps a lot, but I do worry about the amount I have and how it doesn't seem like the right answer.

This reply didn't give me any answers but some how made me feel better than the replies giving advice. That's no disrespect to those giving advice, that is what I asked for. I guess your reply gave me a bit of understanding and perhaps validation that I'm not the only one.

If it was studying though for example. I can force myself to stay in that place for whatever amount of time. I can read a page of writing over and over again. Ask me what it was about afterwards and I wouldn't have a clue. My brain cannot take in information if I try to force myself to concentrate in that way. 

There are times when my interest takes me that I absolutely would take in every last detail of it.

But it isn't tasks like studying that concern me. In that way I've learnt to live with my brain and have found my own ways to complete these tasks that work for me.

It is being able to sit down and watch a TV programme without 10 billion thoughts bouncing round my brain that I would like to be able to do.

I agree about CBT but I did not know that at the time. I have since learnt a lot more. However, my difficulty is that I can't be selective on the NHS. If I say no to a therapist, I'd simply be discharged. I do not have the money to get a private therapist where I would have the freedom to pick someone that has the expertise I need. I just have to hope that the next step of NHS therapy has people more experienced in neurodivergency.

I never switch-off.  I don't know what it is to relax, and there seems to be good & valid reasons why I cannot do most of the things that people suggest in order to give themselves a break.  

I don't take drugs, nor alcohol - I don't really want to medicate myself into a sleepy trance either.  I don't particularly like the countryside nor even fresh air & outdoor pursuits.  I can't concentrate long enough to absorb myself in a book, and haven't actually read one in very many years.   I am not a creative person, so I can't occupy myself making things, and I do find it hard to sustain meaningful associations with people - especially of the non-ASD variety - just to top that list off. 

I guess I can manage a few TV programmes here & there.  Do some housework, make some phone calls, catch up on errands & touch base with those I can bear/who can bear to speak with me for more than five minutes.   Those that enjoy having me monopolise conversations, that is. 

I can open a multitude of tabs on the computer, and spend a few moments here and there, reading an article, or a portion of it, before my mind asks a question that necessitates opening yet another tab.  And so it goes on.  

It would be wrong to say I don't watch things in entirety, but it is a few minutes at a time before the concentration lapses.  I guess that's the benefit of tabs and TV you can pause. 

Writing about my situation helps - or reading about the situations of others and drawing parallels even.  I know I can't change my mindset, but I have to accept a certain amount of it, and not despair of it - that way it becomes less of a problem. 

This is the best I can do - perhaps look at some of what you perceive to be totally negative and either learn to live with it, or take some small amounts of positivity from it in places - some of us aren't designed to chill out at will.  

Expecto_Patronum said:

it's the training my attention I'm completely lost on. It doesn't seem controllable

It takes a lot of mental discipline and in order to have this you have to really want to do it.

I found having a big note saying "study" on the table in front of me is the constant reminder I need to stop whatever tangent I'm going off on and get back to the task (ie studying).

You need to be willing to give up any pleasurable diversion you find yourself concocting to get back to your core task, especially when it is a dull task or one you really don't want to do (eg tax return) and having a positive reward at the end once the task is complete  will be an incentive.

It requires repetition and denial of the reward until the task is complete.

There are some good tips in this link for making the environment and your mind ready for the challenge:

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-focus-with-adhd/

Expecto_Patronum said:

it was traditional CBT which apparently doesn't work well if you're neurodivergent

I believe CBT needs to be significantly adapted for most neurodivergents as the standard approach is not suitable.

I would recommend speaking to any therapist suggesting CBT and ask if they know about this and how to adapt it. Some web searches should give them all the info they need to adapt their approach but if you need a link to start that conversation, this seems to cover the basics:

https://neurolaunch.com/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-autism/

Lego is one of the only things that can help me to switch off but I do not have a bank account big enough to have regular Lego to build.

I do read and generally before bed but the problem with reading is I'm one extreme or the other. I am either really into the book in which case it works or I think I'm reading and am turning the pages and suddenly realise that I've not actually read a word.

I never bring work home with me. I just can't stop thinking about work related things whilst I'm at home.

I switch off by reading a book or playing a game. Other things that might redirect the focus of your brain would be arts & crafts, building models /Lego or puzzles.

I would suggest choosing an activity you enjoy and then scheduling some time each evening to do that. Reading just before bed is good as it can help make you sleepy. If you're using a screen, set it to blue shade to help you sleep when you go to bed.

Don't bring your work to do list home - review it just before you finish your shift & cross off what you've done, then leave it at work and try to forget it until the next morning. It's pointless wasting your evening looking at things you can't do until tomorrow, when you could be doing something more interesting /enjoyable.

Ye it's the training my attention I'm completely lost on. It doesn't seem controllable. If it is possible then I don't think I'd be able to do it without expert help. So far the help I've had hadn't been helpful. I had a lovely CBT therapist but she wasn't a specialist in autism or ADHD and it was traditional CBT which apparently doesn't work well if you're neurodivergent and it certainly didn't work. I tried all the audios they gave me access to which is supposed to lead you through mindfulness, not sure any of them were actual meditation. But I couldn't get to grips with them at all. 

I was put back on the waiting list for further therapy after initially being discharged (seems like a stupid system to me) but the wait was 4 years. I think I'm getting near to the end of 4 years but my experience is if they told me it was 4 years, it'll be far longer so I'm not all that hopeful of hearing anything any time soon. I also have reservations whether I'll be offered anything suitable. NHS seems quite prescriptive in what they offer.

I do know my own brain can be like a box of frogs - for me it isn't about the breathing, but training one's attention. I use guided audio. It's like going to the gym - for some people it might be difficult at first, but you keep at it and strengthen the muscles. This is how I understand it but like I say it is simply my experience. There's no point in telling someone what's best as it is individual for everyone and you have to find what works best for you. I'd be interested to see what other people post.

See I've tried doing the breathing techniques but my ADHD brain gets distracted and then I forget to do it. So unless I had someone literally sitting next to me telling me how to do it. I'm not sure how I could possibly train my brain to meditate. Sitting still makes me so uncomfortable as it is, it seems like an impossible task.

Walks don't work at all for me. I find them so boring, my brain increases in thoughts rather than decreases. I've tried doing the grounding techniques like with the senses but that distracts me for about 30 seconds.

Music is hit and miss for me. Sometimes I would say it's helpful and sometimes it just irritates me. No song seems like the right song and I just end up skipping through them with no real productivity.