Hair cut dilemmas

I shaved my head. Best decision I ever made. No more barber chair small talk or noise issues for me

Hello! If anyone is in London, The Open Barbers are great. They are very supportive of nuerodivergent needs and a safe space. They have a section for requirements on the booking form and signs that y you don't need to talk and if you need anything, just meow . 

If you have a differnt cut to the one you have now, there might be questions as it might not be right for your hair, maybe it's one that would require a lot of fiddling with in the morning which you don't want to do? Or your hair might be to thick or to thin for the cut you want?

One of the first questions I asked new clients when they wanted a new cut, was 'hw much time do you want to spend on getting ready in the morning?' Some people are happy to get up early and spend an hour on thier hair, others just want to get up and go.

My length is ok atm but it will need cutting soon as it's started feeling unclean and that for me makes me anxious. I'm a clean freak.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm going to try a mobile hairdresser rather than attempt to find another salon, hopefully reduce some of the anxiety.

Really good idea! When I was younger I hated going to the hairdressers and in the end my mum found a local mobile hairdresser for me who was really good, she was patient and kind, never put any pressure on me and was always gentle with my hair.

I have looked for mobile hairdressers where I am now but none are in my area - I hope you will find one for yourself. I remember that helped me a lot as a child so hopefully you will find the same. :) 

I hadn't thought of online photos, I was just thinking about ones of me. I hate photos so don't have very many. I think asking her to do half an inch first is probably the best plan but explain that I may want her to take more off. That way the danger of going too short is hopefully eliminated. She is also happy to cut it dry which my last hairdresser didn't like to do so it should be easier to tell if it's the right length.

I can't stand hair being tied up. That is one of the reasons I keep it on the shorter side. 

There are more important things than haircuts if you're ok with the length your is.

I'm going to try a mobile hairdresser rather than attempt to find another salon, hopefully reduce some of the anxiety.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I am a bit worried about what to tell her about the cut.

When you think about it, you are hiring her to perform a cutting service to provide the end result you want.

There is every expectation for you to drive the requirements so try to find some pictures online that show the style exactly as you want it. You can ask her to pause at the point it is roughly ready for you to say yes or "half an inch shorter" as the one interaction to make sure it is just right.

Also, with it being someone new, there may be a few tweaks you want for next time but get her to take some photos at the end on your phone and you can use these as a guide for next time.

I'm sure having the TV on is not an issue since there is no conversation to be had - just remember to keep this, like all the other details, clearly communicated by messafe before hand and maybe print them out for the day itself so you can both agree what they are - just to make sure she is freshly reminded of them.

I've been messaging her through Facebook and she said anything I want to know or am worried about I can just message. I'm wondering about asking her if she would mind me having the TV on whilst she cuts it. It would help as a distraction for me and would probably lessen the chance of conversation at the same time.

I am a bit worried about what to tell her about the cut. Last time I had it cut I did get them to go a bit shorter as it kept irritating me and it was much better at the shorter length. I don't think I have any pictures at that length annoyingly though. I don't want to explain it wrong and it end up going too short though. That's really good advice though so I will have a better look and see if I can find any photos.

Long hair can be annoying especially when it keeps falling in eyes or blows in the wind etc. I try to keep mine in a ponytail or tied up and that makes it less irritating for me. I will go to the hairdressers again one day but not for the time being as I'm not well enough.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I think I've solved my problem though. I've come across someone on FB that advertises themselves to be experienced with conditions like anxiety and autism.

This is great news.

I would recommend writing a note to advise them what you need when they are cutting your hair in terms of interaction - if total silence is what you want then say so, or if you don't mind them talking but not expecting input then that is also a way to be distracted during a stressful process

I would also get as many photos of how you have had your hairstyle available to show as possible - or pictures of the style you want if you don't have photos. Give them a very clear image of what is needed so they don't ask questions during the cut.

If possible give feedback at the end if you found them to have done a good job - something like "that was so nice of you to not be asking questions - it really saved me a lot of anxiety" will probably mean a lot to them too.

Good luck.

If I could cope with it being long I would just leave it and not bother but I hate it if it gets as far as my shoulders, I find it really irritating.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It's something I relate with, I get so overwhelmed and am always hunting for new new places to get my hair done but I hardly ever go out because it's such a sensory overload. I need my hair done but last time I went to the hairdressers I had a big meltdown and I haven't had it cut since. Now my hair looks like I'm from the 80s lol.

I love that. I've heard of a few places that give you the choice but I've never come across one. I think I've solved my problem though. I've come across someone on FB that advertises themselves to be experienced with conditions like anxiety and autism. She's a mobile hairdresser so she will come to me which removes the big anxiety of going to a salon. It does bring it's own anxiety still of meeting a new person and having a stranger in my home and her actually cutting my hair. But hopefully if all goes well, after the first time the anxiety will go down and as she doesn't have premises, hopefully she doesn't just shut up shop on me.

Quite proud of myself for how quickly I've managed to find a solution. Usually it would take me weeks to process the problem before I could even act on it. There's going to be some major panic that goes on between now and the date we've booked in but baby steps I guess.

I selected my previous barber because their website said in big letters that you don’t need to chat and having your haircut in silence was no problem.

I was gutted when they closed.

No it gets cut with scissors and I definitely do not have the coordination to cut my own. It'd be a disaster.

I love the idea of MI5 hiring hairdressers. Someone should make a film about that. I know there's some hairdressers that ask if the person would like to chat or just sit in silence and I'd much prefer that. My answers are just so short and awkward because I have no idea what to say.

I'm going to do a bit of googling to see if I can find anyone with ASC experience.

What sort of haircut do you have? If it's clippers yould could get some and DIY? I'm a hairdresser, or was until my hands went biggledy, go to different places and have a consultation, just talk to them and tell them what sort of style you want and what your needs are, if they look at you like you're about to sprout a second head then don't make an appointment, just leave, it's not like you're going to have to see them again. Would it be easier for you to have someone come to your house and do your hair? There's plenty of mobile hairdressers around and they're usually a lot more flexible about times and stuff. Or if there's an ASD support group near you could you ask them who they use? Other autists maybe in the same position as you and better able to advise you on who's good in your area, maybe one will have a family member who's a hairdresser and know's about ASD sensitivities?

The thing about the small talk hairdressers indulge in, is we get told so much, to much way to much, things people should really talk to thier GP's about, or their friends an neighbours grusome health problems, marriage problems, I think if MI5 recruited hairdressers they'd get more info than from any other source. Thats why we talk about holidays and soap operas and other fluff, it's just easier.

I know there are some sensory friendly barbers for children where I live but I'm not aware of any hairdressers for adults sadly.

This is my worst nightmare. I’ve had to change my barbers twice in the last ten years or so. Same thing - their phone number just stopped working and on investigation I discovered they’d gone out of business.

Their must be a real business opportunity for someone who could start a chain of sensory friendly barbers and hairdressers.