Hi
I’m hoping someone could offer some advice as can’t really talk about it to anyone IRL. I’m on the spectrum, high functioning autism, I prefer the term Asperger’s still. Formal diagnosis in adulthood.
Recently we’ve been informed at work that things are going to change (‘exciting new opportunity’, I’m sure it is for everyone but me!). Our department is expanding so people can apply for new roles to get promoted and line manage others. I’m well aware of my limitations and I wouldn’t wish any of my colleagues to be managed by me. I’m great at managing projects or tasks but that’s it.
I’m not really very scared of being managed of one of my colleagues but also aware that people change once they have power over others and this concerns me. More below.
I also have a history of being treated badly by a past manager, this happened after a similar change took place before (although that new manager was from a different department and not from within a team). Things got so bad I had to take formal action for discrimination (upheld), there was also bullying and overt dislike of me from pretty much day one. The person has never reflected on their actions and refused any sort of conciliation. In the end I had to change roles and take a pay cut to escape them, so it was very traumatic and I’ve literally stated having panic attacks since this upcoming change was announced. They’re still around and I’m terrified that somehow I will end up being managed, directly or indirectly, by them again.
I‘m not great at coping with change, obviously, but this is another level, I’m seriously struggling and in floods of tears every evening. It’s bad enough knowing there is a disruption ahead, but now I’m also having some sort of a PTSD reaction and having flashbacks from the past.
I can’t raise this at work because my new manager is not aware of the history between me and that other person and they have a professional relationship - I don’t want to tell them for this reason as I feel it would be a burden for them to carry, they’re a good person and don’t deserve to have this sort of knowledge imposed on them. So I haven’t told them and feel it would be uncalled for to tel them now. The person who treated me badly is also on the interview panel which is another reason I wouldn’t be applying even if in the end I thought perhaps I could line manage people (but I don’t think I can, I’m not a people’s person, so irrelevant).
So my question really is about how to cope with this level of stress and disruption? I’ve searched the Internet but the usual self-care tips don’t seem to work on me. Has anyone been though anything similar and could perhaps offer advice?
Apologies for a very long post.
