He throws huge fits (crying, screaming, punching things, throwing himself on the floor, shaking), even though I've told him repeatedly that they make me feel unsafe in my own home. I cannot eat around him. I can't relax around him. He makes me so anxious because I never know what is going to cause another fit. One sure way to get him to throw a fit is to tell him he's hurt my feelings. If I tell him something has hurt me, I don't get to be comforted. I get to watch him despair. If it were anyone else, I would say it was abusive. But, how does his autism play into this? What can I expect out of him? We moved from Spain to Germany where noise complaints could get us kicked out of our apartment and could make me lose my job (My boss gave us the apartment. It comes with my job. If she finds out we've gotten a noise complaint, she's going to fire me.). I've explained to him how this is emotionally abusive and could turn into economic abuse if he makes me lose my job.
It's not just the fits, though. I made an account and posted here for the first time because, this morning, he asked about a new coffee cup in our kitchen.
I said: "It was a Christmas gift from my bosses. I like it. Look, the font is special because it was created by a Dutch artist..." [I see him losing interest, so I cut it short.] "Anyway, I think it's cute. I was telling you I wanted a cute coffee cup and now I have one."
He said: "Hmm. I won't tell you what I think about it."
I know it's stupid and small, but it sent me over the edge.
I can understand being flooded with shame, especially because he was raised by a narcissist and he's autistic. He's reading books about CPTSD, Anger management, DBT, narcissistic parents. He said he'll go to therapy soon for all of this.
I cannot understand being mean about a gift someone received. Like, I cannot even imagine myself saying something like this to an enemy.
This morning, I had to buy a 600 euro bed to put in our living room because he thrashes when he sleeps. I told him he could stay in the nice, big bed in the bedroom. I would take the new twin bed in the living room. Over the holidays, we slept in separate beds for almost three weeks for one reason or another and it's the first consistent sleep I've had in years. The last two nights, we tried sleeping in the same bed again and he kept me awake both nights. This morning, he woke me up at 4:30 in the morning. I'm perimenopausal. Sleep is so precious to me and absolutely required, as I'm the only one working and I'm a very physically active nanny for two children. He got really mopey and I had to comfort him again...after he kept me up all night and I had to buy a new bed. I also had to have the bed delivered to the house because I knew if I asked him to go with me to IKEA that it would turn into an argument. Or, he would say he didn't have time to go.
What is going on in my home?
