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How to become more independent where I could survive on my own?

Bo

Hi I hope it's okay to ask about this here. Apology if it isn't.

I'm a 27 year old autistic person and I'm trying to become independent as rn I'm dependent on everyone around me but now my mum is facing poorer health it's dawned on me that sooner or later I'll not have my mum to look after me. This realisation came last year and I attempted to get a job, kinda worked but the burnout/fatigue kicked me in to the middle of next year and I wasn't able to carry on with work. I also attempted banking as currently my mum does all that for me but I'm so lame and mathematically retarded I literally couldn't get my head round it so that was a big fat F for fail as well.

My family say not to worry because I will be looked after by professionals if I can't myself but then I think am I really low functioning enough to need to be looked after? I don't understand the high and low levels with autism because sometimes I feel high functioning but other days I feel low functioning where I can hardly speak or move. It overwhelms me all this.

I have at least started going out for walks by myself, previously I walked with my mum but she's got breathing problems so it's just me now. I get anxiety and I'm very anxious when I go out walking but I'm making myself keep doing it in the hopes the anxiety will settle down in the end.

I want to try some cooking as well. That's a side of independence I want to crack if I can. The idea of cooking terrifies me, lots happening all at once and there's also that risk of food poisoning as well when it comes to cooking things like meats and vegetables. I also read that you can get ill if you don't wash vegetables properly as well. Ugghh, why does my autistic brain have to over analyse everything?!? THIS is some of the problem, most of the problem I suppose. I overthink every little thing and this adds to my anxiety and then it puts me off from doing things even more.

I'm tempted to attempt working again but last time that burnout wrecked me. I was exhausted all the time, felt unwell, pain all over the body. It was fatigue but the worse fatigue I have ever experienced. At one point I really thought I was dying lol.

Rn life is hard. I rely solely on those around me and a couple of years ago I tried striking independence then and my mental health literally shattered like the world's tallest window. I was sectioned in hospital 4x and it took years until I felt like my old self again.

I try not to think negatively and I always try looking on the bright side but sometimes it really feels like all this is in vain and I'll never achieve that independence I'm hoping for.

  • Hi Bo and welcome!

    I’ll only comment on the cooking side of things for now. I used to use Hello Fresh because they send you all the ingredients for a meal and step by step instructions on how to prepare and cook it. There are lots of similar companies.

    I learned a lot about preparing and cooking unfamiliar ingredients and meals that way.

  • Hello Bo, welcome to the forum! Slight smile

    It’s absolutely okay to share on this forum. You’ll always get a helpful response from someone often with shared experience. And even sharing your own story might help someone else who experiencing the same things.

    It sounds like you been working hard to figure things out and I can tell your putting in a lot of effort. Autistic people will have the tendency to overthink and feel anxiety that comes with trying new things. Its a good idea to try and break things down into small steps, rather than trying to do all at once. For example with cooking maybe start with making something really simple, even something like heating up soup, and slowly build your confidence from there. It doesn’t have to be perfect but you’re learning, and that’s the important bit. I experience something similar around the anxiety about food making me ill. I put this down to emetophobia. You’ve just got to try and reassure yourself that if you follow the right cooking instructions, and the food is in date, you’ll be fine. Even if the food is past its best before date, you’ll still be fine. Then when you’ve cooked it the once, next time you can reassure yourself that you didn’t get ill from the last time. Again, take it in easy steps and you’ll soon get there.

    It’s also okay to need support, whether from family or professionals. Independence doesn’t have to mean doing everything on your own. Burnout is really tough, and it’s good that you’re aware of what happened last time, so you can think about what might work better for you going forward.

    You’re already making progress with things like walking by yourself, and that’s a big deal, so be proud of yourself. The anxiety will get easier. Just remind yourself that your are figuring it out as you go, and it will be scary at first, but it will get better… just be kind to yourself. Use things that can help too, like loop earbuds/noise cancelling headphones to help with any sensory difficulties

    Having a goal of getting back into work is a good thing to focus on. Think about what reasonable adjustments you could ask for that will help you with interviews and, once you get the job, what adjustments can be made to remove the barriers that caused you to struggle at work last time. 

    Be kind to yourself, and keep posting and learning from others on this forum