Introduction and Loneliness

It's been a while since I've posted on this forum. I used to regularly post on here quite a few years ago when I was in the process of getting diagnosed.

Lately I've been really struggling with loneliness. I just don't connect with people easily and have always had difficulties with making and keeping friends.

It's hitting harder at the moment because in lockdown I thought I'd cracked it. I seemed to have built a strong friendship but it's gradually faded away. I've tried really hard to keep it going but I don't think the other person wants it anymore, although they've not come out and said that. They seem really happy with their life currently and have a lot of people that really care for them. So I'm feeling quite hurt and cast aside.

I don't understand why for most people making friends is so simple. Yet for me it's so, so hard.

  •   Hi Expecto! Thank you for sharing your experience and for coming on here to be transparent.

    Loneliness is challenging especially when trying to find connections with people who are like minded and who you align with. Be easy on yourself. Relationships and friendships have always been an quandary for me especially when I think the connections are at the same level of intimacy or closeness. I do not have any answers because I am on that journey myself. I am discovering more about how my brain interpret things and how it may trigger different responses when people behave a certain way.

    As I am learning more about myself the more I am learning how to show up in relationships. Do I have a ton of friends? NOPE. I have become secluded and isolated mostly for preservation and recovery of burning out from overly being social before knowing I am AuHD. As human beings on this planet, relationships are complicated and complex due to dealing with different types of beings, so we just have to navigate who aligns with our flavor of being and who doesn't. When people leave our lives or choose to walk away, it hurts because we are wondering what did we do wrong? If they didn't address any "concerns" in that relationship we get to start practicing not to "pick up" other people ways of handling things. Practicing how to no longer "internalize" other people's poor behaviors as a reflection or rejection of us.

    Know that you are valuable and deserving of relationships with people who want you around. Deserving of relationships with people who will be patient with your process and get to understand you more. 

    Send you beautiful thoughts and encouragement!

  • Hi and welcome back! :)

    You might find these resources helpful:

    NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

    NAS - Loneliness

    You might also find it helpful to contact your GP surgery and ask to be referred to a social prescriber / social prescribing link worker. This is something that I'm planning to discuss with my own GP this coming week, due to my own loneliness and social isolation.

    Their role is to work with you, potentially over several sessions, in order to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets your "practical, social and emotional needs that affect their [your] health and wellbeing". This model operates throughout the UK. For example: 

    NHS England - Social prescribing