Being intelligent but with more than mild executive dysfunction is the spaghetti monster's way of taking the p*ss out of you. It's so damn f*****g frustrating and demoralising.
Being intelligent but with more than mild executive dysfunction is the spaghetti monster's way of taking the p*ss out of you. It's so damn f*****g frustrating and demoralising.
The first two years at prep school I wet the bed almost every day, but didn't at home during the school holidays. Luckily I'd stopped doing so by the time I went to Felsted.
8-18 at boarding school. Bullied,especially at public school.
Boearding school can be brutal, even for NTs so I imagine you would be in a state of constant stress from having to constantly look over your shoulder.
Add some stigma from being very smart and a somewhat dysfunctional family to make you effectively walking around with a target on your back.
I'm sorry you went through this - it sounds like one of Dantes circles of hell to me.
8-18 at boarding school. Bullied,especially at public school. Parents argued a lot.Often blaming me for it. Despite that, around the age of 9 my mother told me I'd never be as good as my father. Was also regularly told I was an awkward baby,toddler,child,teenager etc. Only saw my father about once a year from 1981- 2023 . Including a 2 week visit in 1995 to see him in Charlotte NC.. He'd decided to take early retirement and stay in the USA after serving as consul general in Atlanta from 1981 -1985. He'd decided to take the posting to Atlanta when I was at my lowest mental health wise. In psych hospital from May 1981- March 1983.
When I was younger, it was my age that meant I couldn't "know" anything. When I got a bit older it was a mix of poor education and socal class, then when I was a bit older still it was because I was "spiritual", then when I went to uni I became "aunty" to my younger friends so I was wise, now I veer between stupidity and being a walking google/wikipedia. What most people don't realise is that all sorts of random nuggets of information fall out of the atmoshere and lodge in my head only to be discovered when answering some random quiz question.
I'm very insecure re my cognitive ability , always demanding further proof from myself that I'm not the intellectual equivalent of a fake Rolex watch
If you are interested in my laymans opinion, it does sound like a self esteem issue. This is something a therapist is most likely the best way to build it
There is a great article on it here: https://paautism.org/resource/understanding-low-self-esteem/
This looks at it from a clinicians perspective which I think will appeal to you.
This at least lays out the probable causes and routes to deal with it so you can make an informed decision on whether to get a professional to help you with it.
I did something similar a few years ago and worked through a load of things that happened when I was a child that were the major trauma building events for me - looking at them through the lens of what we now know about autism allowed me to forgive myself for what I though were my faiings (actually mostly social mess ups caused by my lack of understanding).
Viewing the good I have done and what I have achieved in spite of my challenges was another big part of the process.
With the benefit of a guide through reviewing the chaos of my teenage years and onwards I started to realise my worth and this brought a steady growth in confidence in myself and rebuilt my self esteem.
You need to be financially able to undertake this process (therapists aren't cheap) and willing to look back on your life to filter through the events where you were just being autistic and where you were actually being an a-hole. Nobody is perfect but seeing your worth weighed up from everything you are and have done is an eye opener.
Just my experience and opinions mind you, do your own research as I could be unwittingly spreading fake news for all I know.
If I was 20-25 years younger I'd definitely look into being assessed for ADHD. At very nearly 68 though, there's not much reason for doing so.
That's a very good answer. There’s a lot of truth in it. Whilst not all people within FB's high IQ community are like that, more than a few are. I'm very insecure re my cognitive ability , always demanding further proof from myself that I'm not the intellectual equivalent of a fake Rolex watch. Undoubtedly much of that insecurity is trauma related.
When I was young, I considered the choice of joining mensa or mocking them for their naivety.
NO-ONE respects or likes intelligent people. IDK why, but even when I was young, I could see that.
People often say something like "if you want to socialise join a club with shared interests" I always find there is that social heirarcrhy stuff going on or the one upmanship, and it'll be about somethng you care about!
The "meetup" groups seem reasonably free of that sort of thing as much as I have seen. We joined one that did nice "not too challenging" walks at the weekends. I meet people mostly at work, or if I help them in some way.
It really helps to have a "thing" you can do from time to time when you have nothing else to say (or it seems that way) I've been known to break the ice with humour, some peoeple can sing, some can dance, some can do voices or impressions, soem can manage a conversation with grace adn charm, all these things (If you can do them well enough) are forms of social lubricant that make you interesting enough to talk to..
Obviously you never tell any camel joke until you know your audience isn't too prudish...
Your idea of "more than mild executive dysfunction".....is some others idea of "utopian bliss." Never forget that brother. You are more ok than perhaps you think?
I used to find it frustrating when I first joined MENSA in the 80s that there is a lot of one-upmanship amongst the community there - everyone trying to prove they were the smartest person in the room sort of thing. It lasted a year and I didn't renew membership.
Do you perhaps consider that mixing with this sort of person may be highlighting your other challenges?
I recall people loved to point out how they had used their intelligence to create an algorythm for trading stocks that was making them loads of money (this was back in the yuppy days) and pointing out how much successful it made them.
I don't know if this is reflected in the people you socialise with.
I found that I became happier when I moved away from this sort of group and started following more of my own interests (restoring old motorbikes, studing fledgling IT tech and getting into the first business computers) and stopped trying to compare myself with others.
Just my experiences - I don't know how much in common this has with you.
