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Advice needed

NAS79234

Hello

I am writing for advice, sadly my partner (who is awaiting an autism diagnosis) and I are at breaking point. We were due to get married next year but it seems unlikely now. For the past few years, my partner has been in and out of work which he feels is due to his aspergers and struggling being around others. I have done my best to be supportive and said I am happy to be the main breadwinner until he finds a remote job. However, I have found it really tough and although I have tried my best to be supportive when he is getting frustrated having no replies to jobs, I am losing hope too and he is having more and more meltdowns. We just spent Christmas with my family in which there was a lot of talk about what people do for jobs and he is very down now. 

I feel in a dilemma what to do as I love him very much, but I feel we need space apart although he said he will end it all if we did this. 

My question is, who can I ask for support? He has no money, no family or friends and no where else to go. I feel so lost and want to make it work but it's affecting my mental health and his also. I rang the council but they wouldn't help.  

  • in reply to NAS79234
    NAS79234 said:
    In the past he did packing jobs and was great at these but found it difficult being interrupted and around others. 

    One job that could work is a reseller on a platform such as eBay or Amazon.

    You effectively buy goods cheaply (maybe from the factory or secondhand) and resell them at a profit.

    I used to do this with computer equipment that I bought from companies that were performing their annual refresh of computes more than 3 years old. It took a few hours a week and I made about £10k from it as profit per year.

    The only contact will be the sourcing of the goods and the couriers collecting the parcels to send to the customers. There may be some answering of questions from customers but this is typically all text message based and about the technical specs of the product.

    Maybe he has an area of expertise that could work for this - it may be worth thinking about.

  • in reply to NAS79234
    NAS79234 said:
    Would this be via the GP for a psychiatrist?

    Both can prescribe medication (a psychologist does not have this ability I believe) but the psychiatrist is more likely to have a better understanding of the most effective medications for the situation.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you so much for your advice and kind words :) 

  • in reply to Bluemoon

    Thank you :) will try this. Would this be via the GP for a psychiatrist? 

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you for your advice Iain, I tried to suggest he sign up on here but he wasn't interested. His interests..he loves history and is very good with detail. In the past he did packing jobs and was great at these but found it difficult being interrupted and around others. 

  • His GP should be able to help. If they are closed and you need urgent advice you can call 111 (As Iain said, there is more info in the urgent help part of this website)

    A doctor will be able to make the decision about appropriate medication to help him through this difficult time and hopefully stabilise his emotional state. They can also advise about whether talking therapy is available, if he wants to do that, but there is usually a long waiting list on the NHS so you might need to think about going private.

    Try to hang in there, if you can get professional help for him things should improve. If you are having problems coping, speak to your own doctor about this. Take care of yourself.

  • Take a deep breath, go to a Psichiatrist, get him medication to estabilize his humour, wait for the diagnosis, give your relatioship a chance.

    I´m sure  with the right pills, he will get better. 

    If nothing works, then you'll decide.

  • NAS79234 said:
    My question is, who can I ask for support?

    I don't want to offer any explicit advice as it just seems to get me cancelled these days but I can suggest you look in the Urgent Help part of the site:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

    They can help in cases where things are desperate.

    You could also suggest he signs up here and asks his own questions so he can feel he is in more control of the situation rather than having it done for him.

    If the relationship is suffering then a couples therapist with a strong background with autistic patients would be a great way to start but I would think he will also benefit from getting his own therapist - it could be the same therapist (I did this with good results) so long as you agree what can be shared between private and couples sessions.

    What are his special interests? These can sometimes give us a prompt for how to find a niche that would work for him.