Overshearing

I find that I have found a good point in life where I now over share with autistic friends and under share with neurotypical people (aside from my wife)

I have autism and I often do this. I find that it relates to my autism because I don't always feel i understand why other people would see it as inappropriate such as asking about taboo topics like periods and sex. I think it's because neurotypical people often get embarrassed over different things just because it's not talked about but neurodiversity people see beyond things that are talked about and look at it as more of a facts and non-fictional learning way not involving emotions.

I have autism and ADD. I definitely overshare when ever I have a problem that I have not sorted out and I can regret it later on or go back and think about if I said too much (days of this, but do I learn? No)  and then that gives me anxiety, but when I am in it I'm on the wave, and I can't get off and in that moment it makes sense to me, but to tell the truth after I've read something I've written when I am on that wave I get tired myself from reading about it. So how can I expect others...? 

My brother who is on the spectrum as well as I (only more so when it comes down to some things) do overshare as well but he knows, remembers all the details so he wishes to say it in a correct way only he's loosing his audience half way in if not before. Too if people know he's like that it can take only one or two sentences and they're gone. He wants to get his opinion or knowledge across so he then tries to keep then, "I'm just gonna say this last thing", or "I haven't given up on you just yet" (that they will too share his interest but it comes across as if he's a "know it all" and they are not and I've told him you can't talk like that because they will see it that way, that it's offensive to them). 

I have not heard that I am noisy, but I am direct so if someone says something that they wish to talk to me about and have not thought more about it I absolutely go "Why?" "Why is that?" and I've learned that other people they are not that interested in knowing the why or they feel it is not polite or socially acceptable to ask why. They don't want to get involved the way I do. It is difficult for me to to let go. I have to fix it, get it, all the way but I go way down in it while I've learned others don't. I can be like: Are we just gonna leave it at that? How can we just leave it at that? Are you kidding me? This mid-air thing or not talking about the elephant in the room can give me anxiety as well. I get very much effected if I am in a surrounding where everyone is fake, have masks on, and act as if everything is just dandy, when I know it's not. I can barely stand it. 

I've learned to tell anyone who confides in me about a problem that they will chose if or not they wish to talk to me about it (again) because otherwise I will return to it and let them know my newest thought of it and they might not want to think about it anymore or feel vulnerable, sensitive that day and wants to focus on other things to keep their spirits up. Lot of times I wish to talk about it, but I simply do not because I want to be a support to them in ways they want me to. I will keep it to myself. 

When I was on a date with my now husband I remember this one time when I cut right to the core and he paused, took down his fork and knife, and looked at me. I thought this is it: this will be a short date, he won't see me again, I got too close too fast, but then he chose to answer. I realized later on he was on guard and used to keeping a certain emotional distance to other people and not used to a date asking him or saying anything about him like that. He said it frighten him in one way but in another it was what he wanted the most (and he's basically had that battle years into our relationship as anyone coming too close by his measurements comes with the risk, comes with danger). I suspect very much he has autism, but he's not one to overshare for most part, and he will keep my Why? to himself. He won't burst out like I do with my Why? I noticed one time when we went to the doctor with our child that as he (my husband) began to talk about his issue the doctor had not asked him and it just kind of took over, and he couldn't tell he was by then oversharing. He would tell me he only wanted our child to not feel alone and that he understands and that it is most likely his "genetic fault". I can tell at times when my brother has done the same thing. I can see them oversharing inappropriately or what the others don't expect or think is mistuned when I am not myself on my own "wave".  

I overshare more when it is an interest or a hobby or experience or a problem I have and I wish to explain the background of how I know of this, how I can relate to it, and I think that can come off as selfish but to me it is just me explaining why I think of their problem the way I do, the background to it. I do care very much about their problem.

Because of my ADD I sometimes loose track and then have to do a break to figure out where I was in the first place...

This answer was me probable oversharing as well, how ironic is that ;)

It makes a sheep cold, I believe...

It's difficult to distinguish whether it's ASD or ADHD; it might be easier to call it a Neurodivergent thing. 

If I'm being critical about the concept; oversharing is usually an other person perspective; unless you feel like you've overshared, then it's technically a difference of opinion on what is appropriate conversation.
It really does depend on the person you're speaking to; you could know someone half your life and never really deep dive into the heavy stuff, or know someone for 5 minutes and dive into your deepest traumas. 

I guess if you both vibe then it's not oversharing?

It certainly can be. I have to be careful not to do it myself, and often lose that battle! Then again (and this isn't a criticuism of your use of the term, it's the best shorthand we have), the notion of overshare is a very neurotypical-skewed concept. The sort of thinking that means that 'how are you?' really means ' Just say the word 'fine' please, it's a social convention' ... for example. Encoded into much of 'normal' factory settings for conversational exchange is a 'keep it largely to small-talk, and don't say anything too esoteric or tangential as we go from A to B in the fewest moves possible'. Which is hard for many of us in this community to do. Though of course, being taciturn and situationally mute is just as common with us - and some of us (me!) can go into either mode depending on any number of factors. I tend to overshare in a one-on-one, but find it hard to push even basic phrases out in groups.