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Thoughts?

Take5

Hey everyone 

I just wanted to ask anyone about thoughts that go around in our heads. My 9yo son has been struggling with his thoughts, if he thinks of a swear word or something he considers to be bad he procrastinates over this and beats himself up over it. He keeps getting very distressed over it to a point where he hates himself. I have told him that we are rarely able to control our thoughts but it’s how we act on them for which we get judged. I hope this is just a learning experience for him as he feels so tormented by this. Has anyone else struggled with this either growing up or more recently? 
Most other things I have had lived experience with so have been able to advise him on but although I have odd thoughts sometimes I don’t let it bother me like this. 

Thanks in advance and merry Christmas 

Parents

  • Sometimes, thoughts can get stuck. For me, it can be like a catchy tune, it overpowers most other thoughts. Although it’s mostly about some anxious “what ifs” that control my mind, from time to time it can also be thoughts that go against my principles (so at least kind of similar to your son). It can help to think these thoughts through. That doesn’t immediately solve things but it could help to figure out where these thoughts come from. Do they stem from a subconscious emotion (maybe those words come to him because he’s angry or frustrated about something, it can be difficult to identify subtle emotions) or maybe he’s just intrigued by certain words (I was very intrigued by swear words when his age, since they felt very powerful or had a nice sound to them)? Sounds like he’s a rather black-and-white-thinker and for him, those thoughts are wrong, so it might help to know where they come from so he can take that into account when judging them. It’s certainly not wrong to be intrigued by the sound of a word or letting your head tell you its emotions in the form of words.

    Your son sounds like a very good and innocent young man, I wish him and you all the best.

Reply

  • Sometimes, thoughts can get stuck. For me, it can be like a catchy tune, it overpowers most other thoughts. Although it’s mostly about some anxious “what ifs” that control my mind, from time to time it can also be thoughts that go against my principles (so at least kind of similar to your son). It can help to think these thoughts through. That doesn’t immediately solve things but it could help to figure out where these thoughts come from. Do they stem from a subconscious emotion (maybe those words come to him because he’s angry or frustrated about something, it can be difficult to identify subtle emotions) or maybe he’s just intrigued by certain words (I was very intrigued by swear words when his age, since they felt very powerful or had a nice sound to them)? Sounds like he’s a rather black-and-white-thinker and for him, those thoughts are wrong, so it might help to know where they come from so he can take that into account when judging them. It’s certainly not wrong to be intrigued by the sound of a word or letting your head tell you its emotions in the form of words.

    Your son sounds like a very good and innocent young man, I wish him and you all the best.

Children
  • in reply to Emmalephant

    Thank you for your support. He is a lovely young boy and I adore him, he really is a fantastic human. 
    Thank you for the reassurance, I question everything I say or do in general but more so with him as he is a literal thinker just like me and will hang onto everything I say. I don’t want to let him down.