I've lurked around this website for quite some time as there are some interesting and useful posts, but I only registered recently.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome two decades ago as a teenager. I was very socially isolated and lonely at the time, and being labelled with a mental illness (or whatever you want to call it), and being bullied because of it by teachers and family, only made me more isolated and depressed, and ultimately drove me to the brink of suicide.
I somewhat made up for this by trying to brush it under the carpet and focus on interests as much as I could. I went to college to study engineering, and whilst I enjoyed the subject and learnt a lot, the loneliness and depression were hard to deal with. I had a few unsuccessful jobs - the only job which went well, I got sacked from because I made the mistake of filling in an "equal opportunities monitoring form" and told them about the diagnosis. They seemed to be rather disgusted at the thought of having someone with my incurable disease working there and advocated claiming benefits instead. So that's precisely what I did, and got £20/week more! Haven't worked since.
I took anti depressants for quite a few years but stopped them a couple of years ago due to the unreliability of doctors. I suffered withdrawal effects for quite a while. Nowadays I'm still depressed. I am very tired practically all the time and can seldom concentrate on anything. I've no idea if this is because the depression returned, or if it is an effect of taking the medication for so long.
I really miss the days when I wasn't tired all the time.
I live with my unsupportive mother, who is the one who forced me into being diagnosed with AS and took great pleasure at seeing me being treated like an invalid because of it. As we are both effectively 'retired' now, I am stuck here with her pretty much 24/7. I've been desperate to find a job for the last few years, but have not even made any applications as there are so few jobs [advertised] in my area. I'm not sure I could even physically manage it anymore due to the tiredness.
To the best of my knowledge, there are no NHS services in the area for Aspergers Syndrome. I did manage to see an autism-specialist counsellor a few years ago, but that was private. I keep pondering registering with a GP again, but I haven't got round to it.
So, what do you do after all that? I never really anticipated spending practically all day every day stuck in a dark room with the curtains shut and no one to talk to. I always figured that if I hadn't died by my early 20s, I'd probably have managed to have some sort of career and relationship. Instead, I'm stuck with a family I don't talk to, claiming benefits, and celebrating a job well done if I manage to carry a basket around Tesco without feeling like I'm about to collapse!
Thanks for reading.
