I have a friend called B who I have known for over 50 years (we are in our 70s). A few years ago she realised that she is autistic and it became obvious that she is – she was able to stop shielding (at least with me) and be more herself. This is lovely for her but not so much for me! I find it very difficult to adapt to the "new" B with her need to, for instance, find exactly the right table in a restaurant regardless of what I think, or wander off without telling me so that I worry. And when stressed she will ring me and talk – and talk – and talk – last time it was over an hour before she drew breath. If I interrupt she can get really angry. I explained in a rather careful email that this makes me feel invisible and used, but she replied that she can't help it, she has no control. What am I to do? I find that I am patronising her when we're out and about, telling her how to behave, and I don't like that, she's supposed to be my equal, a responsible adult. And with the monologue phone calls, I am afraid I will just put the phone down one day and upset both of us. She's turned into the sort of friend I wouldn't choose and I miss how she used to be, and I don't know what to do.
