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Dating is so hard for Autistic people

AmyLR94

Why is it so hard to find someone genuine when it comes to dating Pensive.

I thought I would take the big step and join Tinder (again) and FB dating (again). Today I was speaking to someone on FB and he sounded nice and genuine, but something was off and he kept calling me babe and baby with kisses. Then he said he was thinking of be all day and then when I said if he could hold back from calling me baby and babe as I don’t know him that well, he deactivates he account after sending me a message saying “Take Care, your not the lady for me” *sighs*

I feel like I should just stay single and alone Pensive, it’s so hard to find someone.

I just want to feel loved and do all those couple things that everyone does SobSob x

UPDATE: Thank you to the people who have commented so far Relaxed️. I have deleted Tinder and FB Dating. I don’t think Dating apps are for me as I find it so hard to understand if someone is being genuine or just messing with my feelings.

I turned 30 this year so I wanted to actually find someone who would like me the way I am *sighs* but it’s difficult to find anyone genuine these days. Looks like I will be alone with pets for the rest of my life. 

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    Xeztried said:
    Small talk can feel pointless, so I try to steer conversations to meaningful topics early on.

    As I understand it, the use of small talk when dating is to build up a picture of the other persons character, interests and experiences so you can begin to understand the compex nature of their character and make an informed judgement as to whether they would make a suitable partner for you.

    If the date is neurotypical then expecting them to adapt to your style will be seen as very rude - it means they are expected to make all the effort when you are not which is why it really helps to understand what is expected and try to meet half way.

    Diving into "meaningful" topics is a bit of a mine field as autists have a tendency to be too intense in out favourite fields and will also often monologue when the point of the date it to have dialogue. If you share the same interests then great, not a problem. If you don't then you will struggle to find a connection.

    My advice is to treat small talk like a special interest for a while. Study the rules so you get a passing understanding of it and understand the psychology behind it which makes it more interesting. With a bit of practice it becomes much easier as you can script your way through most stuff and can relax enough (through being confident of what to expect and what to say) to appear less anxious / more authentic.

    Expect it to be challenging and for their to be little chance of repeat dates early on, but you are training yourself to compete in a neurotypical dating world after all.

    It would be great is NTs treated us with respect for our issues but the majority will not and are probably never going to change. If you want to mix with them then you need to be the one making the effort.

    Failure to prepare is to prepare for failure.

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