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Dating is so hard for Autistic people

AmyLR94

Why is it so hard to find someone genuine when it comes to dating Pensive.

I thought I would take the big step and join Tinder (again) and FB dating (again). Today I was speaking to someone on FB and he sounded nice and genuine, but something was off and he kept calling me babe and baby with kisses. Then he said he was thinking of be all day and then when I said if he could hold back from calling me baby and babe as I don’t know him that well, he deactivates he account after sending me a message saying “Take Care, your not the lady for me” *sighs*

I feel like I should just stay single and alone Pensive, it’s so hard to find someone.

I just want to feel loved and do all those couple things that everyone does SobSob x

UPDATE: Thank you to the people who have commented so far Relaxed️. I have deleted Tinder and FB Dating. I don’t think Dating apps are for me as I find it so hard to understand if someone is being genuine or just messing with my feelings.

I turned 30 this year so I wanted to actually find someone who would like me the way I am *sighs* but it’s difficult to find anyone genuine these days. Looks like I will be alone with pets for the rest of my life. 

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  • Tinder published statistics that said (something like) the top few percent of men were getting 90% of the dates. One of the consequences of that is that the men who do get attention are spoiled for choice and don’t have to try very hard or treat people very well.

    Tinder really doesn’t seem like a good place to seek a relationship.

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Deleted User said:
    the top few percent of men were getting 90% of the dates.

    I think this reflects the unrealistic expectations of women these days - certainly the younger women I meet have a checklist that the guy has to be over 6 foot tall, athletic, making £100k+ etc.

    This leaves a lot of women going after a very small group and that group are typically playing the field of being hard to get and this seems to be embittering a lot of them against men in general.

    A bit of a broad stroke there but it reflects what I hear.

    I tend to be too old to be seen as of interest to them and represent more of a grandfather figure so I tend to hear a lot they would not talk about even to their parents.

    This was based on when I lived in the UK up until 2 years ago but I get the same feeback here in Brazil although this is more from the middle classes. The more working class people have less expectations and seem more interested in having fun than landing the "right" guy.

    Deleted User said:
    Tinder really doesn’t seem like a good place to seek a relationship.

    It has its place - it can be good for casual relationships if you want that sort of thing. Being upfront and direct does seem to help as does having a well crafted profile (hint here is to get someone of the opposite sex to help you create it).

    It is deffo hard for autists to survive when the social rules seem to be evolving annualy and it takes time to learn how to "play" effectively.

  • in reply to Iain

    I blame social media for a lot of this '6 foot, 6 pack, 6 figure' mentality that some women (and men) have. It promotes a shallow and superficial mindset and lifestyle. Many women are smart, successful, make their own money and run their own homes and lives, and the idea of a kept woman or a trad wife is such a cop out. Of course it's a choice, but I don't agree with it.

    This toxic patriarchal mindset hurts both men and women. Men feel inadequate as many of us don't measure up (I only have the 6ft), which leads to depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms, and women believing this give other women a bad image because it assumed they're all gold diggers.

    The idea that dating is a game is also harmful and promotes inauthenticity. Waiting 3 days before calling/texting after a date. Not double texting. Not looking too keen. Say no the first time to see if he's committed etc. People get hurt, develop hangups, get confused and frustrated, and get abused by all this rubbish. Why can't people just be honest and say what they feel?

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  • in reply to Iain

    I blame social media for a lot of this '6 foot, 6 pack, 6 figure' mentality that some women (and men) have. It promotes a shallow and superficial mindset and lifestyle. Many women are smart, successful, make their own money and run their own homes and lives, and the idea of a kept woman or a trad wife is such a cop out. Of course it's a choice, but I don't agree with it.

    This toxic patriarchal mindset hurts both men and women. Men feel inadequate as many of us don't measure up (I only have the 6ft), which leads to depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms, and women believing this give other women a bad image because it assumed they're all gold diggers.

    The idea that dating is a game is also harmful and promotes inauthenticity. Waiting 3 days before calling/texting after a date. Not double texting. Not looking too keen. Say no the first time to see if he's committed etc. People get hurt, develop hangups, get confused and frustrated, and get abused by all this rubbish. Why can't people just be honest and say what they feel?

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