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A problem with crumbs, and chairs!

Sam H

I enjoy visiting cafes but have severe anxiety around sitting on certain kinds of chairs. Unless I can find a chair, usually wooden, that doesn't have anywhere that crumbs can be hiding I feel the prickle at the back of my neck, voices seem louder and I refuse to sit down. If there are crumbs on the table I can at least ask them to clean it. Ditto crumbs/mess on the floor. Manageable if i’m alone but if I’m with my daughter or partner, I feel forced to sit then, then descend into a meltdown that can last until i have the chance to sleep. It also means I’m even less likely to meet up with people i like (perhaps they are ‘friends’,  I don’t really know, they’re mainly ex/colleagues).

If I am already feeling sensory overwhelmed by other things I can’t even make it through the door! My partner is understanding (usually), daughter less so!

Anyone experience similar or got advice? 

  • in reply to Iain

    thanks

  • in reply to Sam H
    Sam H said:
    Are there any therapists who deal specifically with adults?

    If you can do it online then there are loads. Have a look at:

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/england

    Click on the All Filters button, select Autism, anxiety and OCD plus any other issues you think would be worth looking into and it will give a list of therapists with these specialisations. You can then look at their profiles to check qualifications and their "feel" and if you still cannot narrow it down to just one, then you can always book a free 15 min session according to the site to interview them.

    That would be my approach anyway - but I'm just some random from the Internet so weigh my advice accordingly.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thanks Ian! Not so much crumbs on the seat, more what’s present down the sides, so i cant sit on a bucket-type seat or a sofa. If I’m an airbnb I cant sit on a sofa or soft chair, equally if I spot a stain or any sign someone has been there before me that can ruin rhe trip and ‘sets me off’ on an anxiety spiral. I once took an airbnb for some along time and to get some writing done, but I was unable to focus because of issues there. Debilitating, but I appreciate it’s a first-world problem!

    Are there any therapists who deal specifically with adults? I could only find someone of dealing with aspie children. As a late-diagnosed aspie and a woman too, I eventually gave trying to find someone suitable. 

  • It sounds like a straightforward phobia that a therapist with autism expertise should be able to help you deal with if you are serious about managing it.

    In the meantime why not carry a thin-ish foam pad about the size of a seat and put it over any chair you need to use. This will insulate your soft behind from those pesky crumbs.

    You can probably get one covered in a washable cover or dispose of it afterwards, depending on whether you can stand to take it with you afterwards.

    If people ask about it, just say you are embarrassed to talk about it and they will assume it if for piles and will probably shut up.

    I'm assuming that just wiping the seat with a wet wipe or similar will not be enough for you here, so the barrier method seems most effective.

    With luck the techniques you use in dealing with this can be adapted to some of the other sensory issues and you may be able to create a prophylaphtic type defence to help.

    All just my opinion of course, your phobias may well be smarter than my advice.