Conflicted on whether to go through the process of getting a diagnosis or not

Hello,

I recently began thinking that I might be autistic, but I am conflicted on whether or not I should try to get it checked out.

To explain from the beginning, it never occurred to me before that I was autistic but in recent years it has been brought to my attention (by my partner, through conflicts with friends or colleagues at work, etc.) that some of what I thought was normal might not be so for other people.

I started researching specific problems I was having, and a lot of the results that came up mentioned autism. From there, I read different articles or watched videos about it, and I felt an unbelievable sense of like “this makes sense” that I never had felt before. If it were true that I was autistic, then it all clicked.

I have lots of different parts of my personality that aligned with autistic traits and symptoms. I also think I don’t have certain symptoms that would make it more obvious if I am autistic or not.

I spoke to my partner and one of my friends about it, and they both agreed it would make sense if I were. I also took lots of tests online (though I know they aren’t official or anything) and they all came back with the result that it might be worth getting checked out.

However, I felt relieved just to figure out that it might be autism. I didn’t feel the need to get an official diagnosis until recently. But when I consulted my mom about it, she said I can if I want to but that she’s sure I’m not autistic.

This made me doubt myself. I was so sure that there was a really high chance I am autistic, but if that’s not the case, it might be embarrassing to go to a consultation for a diagnosis…

Maybe I’m not autistic rather just bad with social situations, egotistical, and have an extremely difficult personality…

I don’t think that’s the case, but now I’m not sure anymore.

I don’t want to spend money and time on getting a diagnosis and feel embarrassed when it’s not so if it’s so obvious that I’m not autistic…

I would appreciate any input or advice anyone has.

Parents
  • Well firstly I think that it is good that you are doing this and that you are also thinking about such a lot about yourself – it is not easy to be able to put all of this into words like this so well done.

    You have actually described and analyzed yourself, which seems like personal research to me, which is quite a good start. Of course, one must remember that getting diagnosed is not about proving anything to anyone; it’s about learning more about oneself and if one needs some help, then one is more likely to get it.

    So, yes, it is okay to be a little confused, or a lot, as the case might be. Perhaps ponder on what a diagnosis would entail for you. Would it bring clarity? Assist you in making yourself understand by others? Make you feel more validated? If it would bring you some level of comfort because you feel that is what is needed or help you grow in some way then go for it.

Reply
  • Well firstly I think that it is good that you are doing this and that you are also thinking about such a lot about yourself – it is not easy to be able to put all of this into words like this so well done.

    You have actually described and analyzed yourself, which seems like personal research to me, which is quite a good start. Of course, one must remember that getting diagnosed is not about proving anything to anyone; it’s about learning more about oneself and if one needs some help, then one is more likely to get it.

    So, yes, it is okay to be a little confused, or a lot, as the case might be. Perhaps ponder on what a diagnosis would entail for you. Would it bring clarity? Assist you in making yourself understand by others? Make you feel more validated? If it would bring you some level of comfort because you feel that is what is needed or help you grow in some way then go for it.

Children
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