How did you find university?

I am an exact contemporary of Chris Packham and likewise did a zoology degree. I found that I did not make any real friends with the people on my course, but I lived all three years in a traditional, catered, hall of residence, where I made a group of good friends numbering about half a dozen. This is the only time in my life that I had so many friends at the same time. My course was quite heavy on the organised taught time, with lectures, practical classes in labs and tutorials amounting to 24 hours a week. I also found that quite a challenge. I found that I could not gauge what lecturers wanted from me, I would put huge effort into something and get a 3rd or poor 2:2, or rush something at the last minute and get a 1st! Exams in huge halls with lots of other nervous people were very nerve-wracking and the anxiety that mounted in me before exams seriously affected my ability to revise effectively. We had a lot of quite smelly and grisly dissections, they were usually in the afternoon, so I would anaesthetise myself with beer at the students' union at lunchtime.

I had zero success with the opposite sex. I realise now that this was because I just could not read expressions and body language, so never recognised when I was being given a green light. In the absence of being able to recognise any interest from any young woman, I was too afraid of rejection, or of doing something inappropriate, that I never made any advances whatsoever.

In the absence of being able to recognise any interest from any young woman, I was too afraid of rejection, or of doing something inappropriate, that I never made any advances whatsoever.

Do you have a partner now? Have you managed to have any success since uni out of interest.

Yes I definitely self-censor. I think raising awareness of sexual assault has made men terrified of approaching women, less it gets misread. Some of it is undoubtedly justified, but on the other hand I have no script off what's right/helpful and wats not helpful/harmful.

I have been married for 28 years. I eventually worked out that the problem was within me. I did some research on non-verbal communication, so that I could decode situations more accurately, and forced myself to be far more courageous. Even so, the first time I kissed my future wife, I effectively asked if it would be appropriate - it was.

I have been married for 28 years. I eventually worked out that the problem was within me. I did some research on non-verbal communication, so that I could decode situations more accurately, and forced myself to be far more courageous. Even so, the first time I kissed my future wife, I effectively asked if it would be appropriate - it was.

Martin said:

the first time I kissed my future wife, I effectively asked if it would be appropriate

Cudos to asking permission - in this day and age it is a minefield for making unsolicited advances, even verbal, to other people. It has put me right off dating as I have a mix of trouble reading non verbal cues when under pressure and an aversion to rejection making a rejected advance one of the worst things I can think of in that situaion.

Back in the pre-woke era my most effective approach was to work out if the lady in question appeared interested and when the time felt right tell them "I'm going to kiss you now" and give enough of a gap for them to say no if they didn't want it - that seemed the best balance.

These days I'm wary of this being seen as a form of sexual assault without having a signed contract agreeing to levels of approved intimacy before even holding their hand.

A slight exaggeration but you get the idea - it feels more iike a contract negotiation than dating.