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Skeptical about my diagnosis

LonelyColour

I have recently had my autism diagnosis and I am very skeptical about it.

The ADOS-2 report says that I struggle to engage in a flowing interchange, that my use of descriptive gestures was limited, and that due to the nature of the virtual assessment it was not possible to assess the quality of my eye contact (among many other things, of course).

My question is, if the interview was made online, how can they assess on my descriptive gestures, if they cannot see what I'm doing with my hands? I actually think that I use my hands a lot when talking. Can they base a diagnosis on only a few hours of observing me through a zoom call?

I also think that the reason why conversation wasn't flowing is because I did not know that person, and we were there for an autism assessment, not for a chit-chat. Does it mean that if you're shy and not too comfortable talking to strangers you are automatically autistic?

And obviously they could not report on my eye contact through a screen, and I think if they had seen me in person, they would have seen that I don't have problems with eye contact (or so I believe).

Obviously I must trust the experts and if they have given me a diagnosis is because I must be autistic.

On the other hand, it didn't feel like the assessment was very thorough?

Am I just on denial?

They say that denial is the first stage of grief. Is this what is happening to me?

I am having very mixed feelings about it and it's annoying because I wanted the diagnosis to take me out of this constant state of wondering if I am autistic or not. Now that I have been told that I am, I am still unsure about it.

Part of me has that "everybody has autism or ADHD now adays" attitude and I think deep down I was hoping for a negative diagnosis so that I could carry on with my life with the certainty that I was neurotypical.

Now I have to change my perspective on everything.

Parents

  • Congratulations on your autism diagnosis and welcome to the community!

    The doubt that you describe is a very common feeling following diagnosis, and is commonly known as "imposter syndrome".

    During the period following a diagnosis it can also be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience emotional dysregulation. So please don't worry, this is normal! This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie so soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion complete with ready-made solutions for my various ASD-related difficulties.

    Therapy is often also recommended after a diagnosis. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book. It features discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Reply

  • Congratulations on your autism diagnosis and welcome to the community!

    The doubt that you describe is a very common feeling following diagnosis, and is commonly known as "imposter syndrome".

    During the period following a diagnosis it can also be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience emotional dysregulation. So please don't worry, this is normal! This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie so soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion complete with ready-made solutions for my various ASD-related difficulties.

    Therapy is often also recommended after a diagnosis. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book. It features discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Children
  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you so much for your response!

    You have nailed it. Thank you for helping me giving it a name and for the resources. I have read one of the stories about imposter syndrome and I can relate to it so well, and the person who wrote the article is also an artist, like myself! This has made me feel so much better. Thank you